


The Cover Story

by thekatriarch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Adoptee Feelings, Adoption, Age Difference, Allies With Benefits, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Consent, F/M, Friendship, Post-Star Wars: Leia Princess of Alderaan, Sex, whoops we fell in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:08:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 24
Words: 41,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28972584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatriarch/pseuds/thekatriarch
Summary: Leia Organa has sworn off love for good. When a gorgeous rebel spy shows up at her door late one night, she knows better than to let her heart get involved. But when new information about her birth parents puts Leia's life in danger and she needs to escape Coruscant on a long-shot mission to find the only person who might be able to help, something changes — for both of them.
Relationships: Amilyn Holdo & Leia Organa, Bail Organa & Breha Organa & Leia Organa, Cassian Andor/Leia Organa
Comments: 11
Kudos: 7





	1. The Spy

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a long time ago, shortly after I finished my first epic, Darkness Yielding. It's been written and rewritten so many times I've lost track. Many bits of characterization you find in my other work had their genesis in this one, particularly for Cassian. Writing this proceeded a bit like their relationship does over the course of the story; I never intended for them to fall in love, but the story got away from me. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I did tag this for underage because Leia is only seventeen at the beginning of this story. This picks up a while after the ending of Claudia Gray's _Leia, Princess of Alderaan_ and promptly abandons canon.
> 
> Also, I have just recently discovered/started reading real bodice rippers (Tessa Dare), so in the most recent draft the sex scenes in this got... a lot more graphic. And hopefully less awkward???

It took some coaxing, but Amilyn convinced Leia to take the afternoon off, and dragged her out into the city. Leia rarely left the government districts of the Galactic City, but Amilyn, who got bored easily (and had more free time than Leia), guided her around the chaotic streets outside the Federal District with ease. 

It was a bright day, and the city was crowded and noisy. Leia had been in a good mood, but she started to feel a prickly feeling on the back of her neck. Someone was watching them. She made a signal to Amilyn and when the taller girl leaned down, she said “we’re being watched.” 

Amilyn didn’t show any sign of alarm or surprise, simply returned to her full height and then rolled her head on her neck as if she were sore, letting her cast her gaze around. “I don’t see anyone,” she murmured. They continued walking, trying to get to a better vantage point.

It could be anything, thought Leia. It might just be some guy who thinks we’re cute. Or maybe somebody’s just confused by Amilyn’s eccentric fashion sense. But she was nervous. They climbed a few stairs and lounged against a wall, trying to look like regular, idle teens, and Leia scanned the crowds. She could still feel the eyes on her, but whoever it was, she couldn’t pick them out of the crowd. A sick feeling started building in her gut. If it was just someone staring at Amilyn’s weird clothes, she’d be able to see them. Whoever this was, they were hiding, and they were good at it.

After a few minutes they resumed their stroll, taking a turn into a tight alley where there was little traffic. Both girls leaned flat against the wall and waited, glancing at each other nervously.

When the man entered the alley, they moved, one grabbing each arm and pinning them behind his back. Leia showed him the knife she always carried. “Who are you?” she demanded. “Why are you following us?”

He twisted out of their grip, shouldered Amilyn out of the way so she fell to the ground, bent Leia’s wrist back so she dropped the knife, and held on to her from behind, arms pinned to her sides. Amilyn was getting ready to charge him when he hissed a code word that identified him as Alliance right into Leia’s ear and let her go. “Don’t ever do that again,” he said. “You’ll get yourselves killed. You think someone’s following you, you stay in crowded areas so they don’t get you alone and you go find someone you can trust. You never,  _ ever _ start a fight you can’t win.”

He spoke with an accent she’d never heard before. Who was he? She couldn’t stop herself from staring, a little, because he was shockingly good-looking, in kind of a scruffy way.

“Well why were you following us?” she said, less demanding than a few minutes ago but embarrassed now, and annoyed.

“Because,” he said, “I had to make sure nobody else was following you before I gave you this.” He took her hand and slipped a data card into it. “For your father,” he said, closing her fingers over the card. His hand was warm and she felt something jump in her belly when he touched hers.

“What is it?” she asked.

He raised his eyebrows. “Don’t worry about it. Just give it to your father. Tell him it’s from Cassian.”

“Why can’t you give it to him yourself?” she asked.

“He’s being watched,” answered the man, and he slipped out of the alley and melted away into the crowd, as if he’d never been there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're mostly here for shippy stuff you can probably skip ahead to chapter 5 if you really want!

Amilyn stayed the night with Leia, as she often did. The senatorial apartment that Leia usually shared with her father always felt huge and empty when her father was away, and he was away more and more often. Leia had been handling most of the day-to-day business in his office.

Amilyn didn’t have any family on Coruscant, so she lived in a dormitory in the Gatalentan embassy, in a room she shared with another young government worker in the early stages of her career. She liked it well enough — Amilyn was gifted with the ability to sleep anywhere — but she had an ongoing low-level conflict with her roommate over her love for bright color and whimsical decorations. Her roommate was a more traditional Gatalentan who preferred simplicity, while Amilyn found her home culture’s aesthetic style a bit austere and boring.

The girls spent most of the evening watching the cheesy holovid romances that Amilyn was inexplicably addicted to. Leia hadn’t been a fan before she and Amilyn became friends, but she had to admit they were fun and distracting, and it was comforting to know that no matter what went wrong along the way, there would always be a happy ending. Real life was hard enough.

But of course, they spent a lot of time talking about the spy, if that’s what he was. Cassian, he’d called himself.

“We really ought to take another self-defense course,” said Amilyn. “He could have killed us.”

“He’s a professional,” said Leia, but she knew Amilyn was right. “A spy or something. Don’t you think?”

“Isn’t he too good looking to be a spy?” asked Amilyn. “Spies are supposed to blend in, aren’t they?”

“He  _ does _ blend in, Am. I knew he was there, but I couldn’t see him. And he’s not  _ that _ good looking.”

“Yeah, right,” said Amilyn with a little snort. “So why are you blushing, then?”

“I am not!” Leia reached a hand up to feel her face, which she had to admit was a little warmer than usual. She changed the subject. “What do you think is on this thing, anyway?” She took the card out of the secret pocket where she’d stashed it and turned it over in her hand.

“Could be anything,” said Amilyn. “Make sure you don’t lose it.” Amilyn tended to lose things. It wasn’t that she was forgetful, exactly; just that when her attention changed focus, everything else became less important.

“I’m not going to lose it. I just wish I knew when my dad was coming home. What if he doesn’t get the message in time?”

“He’s never around these days, is he?” asked Amilyn, and Leia shook her head sadly.

“Hardly ever.”

“You might just as well run for Senate yourself,” said Amilyn with a yawn. “Come on, I’m ready for bed.”

Leia tucked the data card into her pillowcase where it would be safe, and the two girls got into bed. They always slept together in Leia’s bed, even though there was a guest room that Amilyn could have used if she wanted. This way they could talk until they fell asleep. Leia often found it easier to talk about serious things in the peaceful darkness and cozy warmth of her bed.

“Am?” she asked. “Do you ever get…” She paused, not entirely sure what she was trying to say. “I worry so much,” she said. “About everything that’s happening. It feels so much more real now than it did even a few months ago.”

“Me too,” said Amilyn. 

“Do you think there’s going to be a war? A real one?”

“I don’t know,” said Amilyn. “Probably. That’s what the rebellion is for, isn’t it? I don’t think there’s any other way to, you know, win.”

“Does it bother you?” Gatalenta was a world of devoted pacifists, and Amilyn was only sort of an exception.

“Not as much as what will happen if we don’t. Things will just get worse and worse, won’t they? It’s not us starting the war; the Empire already started it. I don’t know what good my principles would be, if I just stood by while other people suffer and die.”

“I wish there were some other way,” Leia whispered. She didn’t like the idea of having to kill anyone, or hurt anyone.

“Well, you never know,” said Amilyn. “There’s no point in worrying about it now.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Leia sewed the data card into the lining of her dress before going to work. It was a busy day, which was fortunate, because it meant she was too busy to worry about her father or the information that she was carrying. The man, Cassian, had said her father was being watched. Watched by who? She knew that Grand Moff Tarkin had some suspicions about her parents; was he watching? Was her dad in danger? And what was on the card?

At the end of the workday, she went back to the apartment — she didn’t like to think of it as “home,” even though it was where she lived most of the time, these days — and fixed herself something to eat. She had learned to cook from her father; back home in the palace they didn’t make their own meals, but on Coruscant they usually did. Hired help or droids in the apartment were a security risk, so they did most of their own housekeeping. People mostly wrote it off as an eccentricity.

She was just sitting down to eat and looking for a holovid to distract herself when the door opened and her father walked in. “Dad!” she said, happy.

“Hi sweetheart,” he said. He was smiling, but she could tell he was worried about something. She got up to hug him. She had been more worried than she’d realized.

He excused himself to change out of his traveling clothes and wash up, and she sat back down, buzzing with nerves. She could barely look at her dinner now, but she tried to make herself eat a few bites.

“Whatever you made smells great,” her father said, coming back into the room. “Is there more?”

“A little,” said Leia.

“You’re not going to eat dinner on the sofa watching a holovid, Leia,” her father said. “Come to the table.”

She indulged herself in a teenage eyeroll as she got up and joined him at the table. As they settled in, she glanced around nervously. “Hey Dad,” she said, “who’s Cassian?”

Her father looked up, alarmed. “What did you say?”

“Cassian,” she said. “Who is he?”

“Where did you hear that name?”

She shifted uncomfortably. This wasn’t quite the reaction she’d expected. “I met him yesterday. Or I think it was him. I met somebody, anyway. He gave me something for you. He said to say it was from Cassian.”

Her father frowned. “What is it?”

“A data card. He said he couldn’t give it to you directly because… because you’re being watched. Are you being watched, Dad?”

“Yes,” said her father. “I thought so anyway, but if he says so, then I am. What happened to the card?”

“I have it here,” she said. “Hang on, it’s sewn into my dress, I have to get undressed to get to it.”

“It can wait until after dinner,” her father said. “Tell me about this man you met. I need to know it was really him.”

“He knew our code words,” she said.

“Those can be stolen,” her father said. “This is very important. What did he look like?”

“Dark hair, dark eyes, a little bit of a beard. He looked really tired, like bags under his eyes? He had an accent; not a Core accent, I didn’t recognize it, somewhere on the Outer Rim, probably?” She tried to think of how else to describe him. “He had a leather jacket. He was handsome, in sort of a scruffy way.”

Her father raised an eyebrow at that. She shrugged. “Amilyn said he was too good looking to be a spy.”

“She was with you?”

“Yes.” She told him a lightly edited version of their encounter with the man who gave her the data card, leaving out the part where she threatened him with a knife and he disarmed her and told her she was going to get herself killed.

He nodded thoughtfully. “That sounds like the right man. I can’t believe he talked to you. He’s been told specifically—”

“Dad, it’s okay. I’m fine. He probably didn’t have any other way to get the card to you.”

“I’m sure he could have come up with something,” said her father. “He’s very creative. I don’t want you involved in this.”

“I’m already involved in this,” she pointed out.

“That’s not what I mean,” he said. “I don’t want you involved with people like that.”

“People like  _ what?” _

He sighed. “Cassian Andor is one of our top intelligence operatives. Whatever information is on that card, if he thought he needed to deliver it personally, it’s extremely dangerous. He had no business bringing you or Miss Holdo into it. I want you to stay away from him, do you understand me?”

Leia wouldn’t have known how to find Cassian Andor from rebel intelligence if she’d wanted to, so that was an easy promise to make. “Of course, Dad.”

“Good,” he said, picking up their empty dinner plates. “Now why don’t you go get me that data card, and then you need to pack. You’re going on vacation.”

“What?” said Leia.

“You’ve more than earned it,” he said. “You’ve been working much too hard lately, and that’s my fault. You’re going home to Alderaan for a few months.”

“A few  _ months?” _ she echoed, shocked. “Why? What did I do?”

“Does going home and spending some time with your mother sound like a punishment?” he asked, mildly.

“No, that’s not what I— but the Senate’s still in session, Dad, who’s going to—”

_ “I’m _ going to,” he said. “I can’t explain it to you right now, sweetheart, but I need to be on Coruscant right now, and you need to be somewhere else.”

“Why? What’s happening?”

“Now is not the time to argue with me, Leia. You’re going home tonight. Go get packed.”

She’d been right. Something big was going to happen. But what?


	4. Chapter 4

It was nice to be back on Alderaan. She’d missed it more than she’d realized. Coruscant was called the Galactic City because that’s all the planet was: one enormous city that covered the surface of the entire world. No trees, no grass, no flowers. No stars at night. No sky at all, unless you were up in the highest levels. Just endless layers of buildings crammed with people of every species in the galaxy.

When she saw her home planet through the window of the Tantive IV, she felt something unclench inside her. Home. And when she stepped out of the ship and into the fresh, clean air, she found she could breathe easier than she had in months. It was so good to be home.

Her mother was overjoyed to have her back. “I can’t believe I let you stay on Coruscant for so long,” she said. “You look exhausted. Been working too hard, as usual.”

She smiled. “Must run in the family.”

She expected her mother to laugh, but instead she tilted her head to the side and looked at Leia as if she didn’t quite recognize her. It made Leia feel uncomfortable, and she realized from her mother’s strange expression that she was thinking about Leia’s  _ other _ mother, the one who had died when Leia was a baby.

“Cause you and Dad,” she said, awkwardly. “You always work so hard.”

Her mom smiled. “We do, sweetheart, don’t we?”

She’d been on Alderaan for several weeks when the big event happened. Her father had told her that she’d know it when she saw it, and she did. It was an explosive speech by her father’s friend, Senator Mon Mothma of Chandrila. Mothma was the leader of the rebels, and she’d been under a great deal of scrutiny. In her speech she condemned the Emperor as a murderer and publicly resigned from the Senate. Then she disappeared.

No wonder her father had wanted her off Coruscant. Everyone knew about Bail Organa’s close working relationship with Mon Mothma. They had been allies in the Senate since before the Clone Wars, long before Leia was even born.

As soon as she heard the news, she rushed to find her mother. “Is Dad going to be arrested?” she demanded. “Is that why he wanted me off Coruscant?”

“Leia,” said her mother. “Calm down.”

“How can I calm down? Is Dad going to be arrested?”

“Maybe,” her mother answered. “We hope not. We do have a plan for this. Officially, of course, we had no idea that Mon harbored these treasonous beliefs.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Leia felt like she was going to cry. “What if—”

“Come here, my love.” Her mother reached out her arms and pulled Leia in for a hug. “I’m sorry. We couldn’t risk it. I know this is a lot to take in, Leia. Things are going to get very hard.”

“Don’t you  _ trust _ me? Mom, you have to tell me what’s going on. You can’t keep surprising me with this stuff, it isn’t fair. What if they— what if—” Leia found that she couldn’t say the words. 

“I know, darling. I know. I’ll tell you now, all right? You have a role to play now, Leia.”

“I do?” she said, so surprised that her tears dried up.

“Yes. A very important one. Of  _ course _ we trust you. Here’s what’s going to happen: Your father is going to publicly denounce Mon as a traitor, pledge his loyalty to the Empire, and then he’s going to resign.”

“What? But—” Leia was stunned.

“And then you, my love, are going to take his place.”

Leia gaped at her mother. “In the  _ Senate? _ I’m only seventeen! Is that even allowed?”

“Oh yes. Mon was only sixteen when she joined the Senate. And— we knew another young woman, once, who became a senator at eighteen. And she was…” An odd, sad expression crossed her face and Leia thought to herself, she’s talking about my other mother. My other mother was a senator. She hadn’t known that. Her mom went on: “You’ve been filling in for your father for months, doing everything but roll call votes. You’re more than capable of handling it. Your dad will be under too much scrutiny to get anything done in the Senate now — not that anyone can get much done there anyway.”

“But won’t I be under scrutiny, too?” Leia asked.

“Some, certainly. But a young, pretty girl like you won’t seem like such a threat. People will think that they can manipulate you. They won’t realize that you’re smarter than most of them.” She smiled at her fondly and stroked her hair. “Being underestimated can be a powerful weapon.”

“When is Dad going to make his speech?” Leia asked.

“Soon. It can’t be too soon or it will look calculated. Sweetheart… he probably  _ will _ be arrested. But I think he’ll be released.”

Leia’s eyes flooded with tears again. “You  _ think?” _

“That’s right. Your father is very well liked, you know. Without a confession or hard evidence linking us to the rebellion, they’re unlikely to pursue it much further. A declaration of loyalty will probably be enough. They’re not  _ completely _ lawless. Not yet.”

“But what if they have evidence?”

“They don’t. If they did, your father would already be— Well. I’m sure they don’t have evidence. Suspicions, but not evidence.”

Bail Organa’s announcement went out two days later on the holonet. They’d had little news from Coruscant, but knew that he had been brought in for questioning. It showed on his face; he looked older than he had when Leia had seen him last. He was drawn and tired, but his voice was firm and unwavering as he denounced his oldest friend and praised the Emperor. It was stomach-turning to watch, but Leia knew it had to be done.

“It has been my privilege to represent my planet in the Galactic Senate for over twenty years,” the image of her father said. “However, due to this serious lapse in judgment, I believe it is no longer appropriate for me to serve as senator. I will be retiring from Senate service as soon as a suitable replacement has been appointed by my Queen. I thank the people of Alderaan for their faith in me, and I apologize deeply that it seems your faith was misplaced.”

Leia was on Coruscant again only a few weeks later, and now  _ she _ was Senator Organa, one of the titles that had belonged to her father for as long as she could remember.


	5. The Spy Returns

She was flipping through some notes when the door chime rang. It was late, and she wasn’t expecting anyone, and at first she wasn’t sure that she should answer. When she checked the door camera, she found herself blinking in surprise a few times. Outside her door was Cassian Andor from rebel intelligence. She hadn’t seen him since the day he’d given her the data card for her father, months ago, and she hadn’t expected to ever see him again. 

What was he doing  _ here, _ at her apartment? She wasn’t entirely sure that she should open the door, but surely it was better to see what he wanted rather than risk someone seeing him out in the hall. Wasn’t it? And he must be here for something important. She opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, very quietly. “What if somebody sees you here?”

“Nobody has,” he replied, also keeping his voice very quiet, leaning in close. Maybe a little too close, because she couldn’t help but notice how good he smelled, and it stirred up something inside her. “But the longer you keep me standing out here,” he went on, “the more likely someone will. So can I come in?” He smiled at her, but there was something a little insincere about it.

“Why?” she asked. “My father isn’t here.”

“I know,” he said, and then he got even closer, putting his lips right against her ear and whispering, “you’re my cover story.”

“What does that mean?” she whispered, trying to ignore the flicker of heat that having him so close stirred up low in her body.

“It means,” he said, still with his lips against her ear, “I need to talk to your father the second he gets back, so I need an excuse to be somewhere he’ll be, and you’re it.”

She blushed hot all over. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, but she was pretty sure she did.

“Are you going to let me in or not?” 

She couldn’t very well leave him where he was. And if he really needed to speak to her father that urgently, it must be about something important. She’d have to let him in. But first she issued a password challenge, just to be sure.

He laughed a little, said “good girl,” and gave the appropriate response, so she took a step backward into the apartment, allowing him to follow her. He put his hands on her hips as he did and she felt her face — and other areas — getting warmer.

“What do you mean, cover story?” she asked, when the door closed. 

He looked at her like he wasn’t sure he should answer.

“You can talk,” she said. “I sweep for bugs every day. I did it as soon as I got home. Nobody’s listening.”

“A cover story,” he said. “An excuse.”

“And that excuse is?” Somewhat reluctantly, she took a step back, out of reach of his hands, and set her own hands on her hips.

He gave her a sly little smile and stepped away from her, moving slowly but purposefully around the edge of the spacious room, toward the big window that looked out over the city. “I think you know exactly what I mean, but if you insist on playing dumb…”

“What are you talking about?” she said, standing her ground.

“I’m talking,” he said, “about pretty rich girls who try to piss off their parents by slumming it with creeps like me.” 

Now she was really blushing. “Charming,” she said. “You know my father’s not here.”

“I know. If you were running around with me, I wouldn’t show up when your father’s here, would I? He’s on his way. He’ll be here in the morning.”

“In the morning?” she repeated. “You’re not planning on staying the night?”

“Sorry to impose,” he said, but he didn’t sound very sorry at all. “If it helps make up for the inconvenience, they’re going to rake me through hot coals over this. I caught an earful just for talking to you. What did you tell your father I did to you?”

“Nothing,” she said, surprised. “Just that I met you, and that you gave me a data card.”

“Nothing else?”

“What else would I have said? Nothing else happened.”

“Well, he reacted like he thought I fucked you up against a wall or something.” He seemed to find it amusing.

“Charming,” she said again. She knew she sounded a little prim and snotty, but she didn’t want him to know that this little flirtatious game he was playing with her was working. Up against a wall. What was  _ that _ like? She bit down inside her mouth. Don’t think about that, she told herself firmly.

“Excuse me,” he said. “I don’t talk to a lot of princesses.”

“Oh no? Not a lot of princesses slumming it with you?”

“You’d be the first,” he said.

“What an honor,” she said dryly, and he surprised her by laughing.

“Oh,” he said, “the honor’s mine, of course. Your Highness.”

“Are you making fun of me?” she asked.

“A little,” he said. “You have some potential, you know? Not a lot of people notice me following them. Pretty embarrassing for me.” There was a tiny hint of a smile on his face, and this one seemed real. Almost playful.

She smiled despite herself, and shrugged, modestly. “I guess I got lucky.”

“I guess you did.”

“Are you looking for something?” she asked him. He was still prowling the room, looking carefully at everything.

“Weapons, escape routes.” He reached the big window and pulled the curtains closed. “Holes in the security. You shouldn’t have these open, ever. People can pick up a lot of information from watching you when you think you’re alone, and if someone gets it in their head to kill you, you don’t want to make it any easier for them.”

“Who’s watching me?”

“Nobody but me, as far as I know.”

She felt something flip over in her belly again, something that was part fear and part something else. She put a hand on her hip. “Why would  _ you _ be watching  _ me?” _

“Maybe not watching,” he said. “More like… keeping an eye on.”

“I don’t need you to keep an eye on me,” she said.

“You need someone to,” he said. “You’re not scared of me, are you?” He sounded a little surprised by this fact.

She shook her head. “No.” 

“You should be.”

“You’re not going to hurt me.”

“How do you know?”

She couldn’t answer that question. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew, and she was usually right about these things.

“Do you know what I would do?” he asked in a low voice, taking a step toward her. “If I worked for the Empire, and I wanted to get Bail Organa to talk? To betray the Alliance?”

She shook her head. “He would never betray the Alliance.”

He was very close to her again. Her skin was tingling with some sensation she couldn’t quite name. Maybe it was anticipation.

“I’d kidnap his daughter,” he said, voice just above a whisper. “And once I had her,” he went on, holding her gaze, “I’d do some pretty unpleasant stuff to her. So,” and now he broke the intense gaze and walked away from her. “That’s why I’m keeping an eye on you. You’re a valuable hostage. Your Majesty.” 

“That’s not— you don’t call a princess ‘Your Majesty,’” she said, which was a completely irrelevant and weak response, and she knew it, but she couldn’t think how to address his actual point and she had to say  _ something. _

“No?”

“That’s for a sovereign. A queen, or a king.”

“And what do you call a princess?” He seemed amused and she thought he might be playing a game with her.

“If you’re being super formal,” she said, “it’s ‘Your Royal Highness.’ But I prefer ‘Senator.’”

“Do you?” Still so amused.

“I’m surprised you don’t know this,” she said. “Aren’t you a spy, or something?”

“Who told you I was a spy?”

“No one. Well. My father said you were in intelligence. That’s spy stuff.”

“Your father should probably keep his mouth shut,” he said. “All right, I confess: I did know you’re not supposed to call a princess ‘Your Majesty.’”

“You’re just trying to get under my skin, aren’t you?”

“Is it working?”

She shook her head and changed the subject. “Do you really think my father would betray the Alliance?”

“Of course,” he said. “If he were sufficiently motivated. Everyone talks, if you find the right leverage.”

“Would you?”

“Everyone talks,” he said again. “But some of us have less to lean on than others. That’s why you shouldn’t be here, alone, being such a tempting target. You should be on Alderaan, where you’d be safe.”

“Somebody has to represent Alderaan in the Senate,” she said.

“Why?” It sounded like a real question.

“What do you mean, why? That’s what…” She didn’t know how that sentence ended.

He shrugged. “I don’t really see the point of the Senate.”

“I don’t always, either,” she confessed. “But it’s not like we could just stop participating. We might as well hang a big rebel flag on the palace. Somebody has to do it.”

“And it has to be you?”

“I don’t see how the makeup of the Alderaanian government has anything to do with you,” she said. “It’s none of your business. The Queen decides who’ll serve in the Senate, and she chose me. Who are you to—”

He held up his hands. “I yield,” he said.

“Anyway,” she went on, a little calmer and quieter now, “I have to do something. I can’t just stand by and do nothing while— And my parents keep telling me that this is where I’m the most useful.”

“And that’s what you want to be, hm? Useful?” 

“I suppose you think princesses are just decorative,” she said scornfully. 

“I don’t think anything about princesses at all,” he replied. “I never met one before.” He seemed like he was getting bored with the conversation, and irritation flared up in her chest. Who did he think he was, showing up at her door well past appropriate visiting hours, making vague threats, and then acting like he was bored?

Which part bothers you more? She asked herself. The threats, or the boredom?

“Well as long as you’re here,” she said, “and since you’re so concerned with my safety, maybe you can help me out with something.”

He raised his eyebrows. “And what would that be?”

“The next time some creep is stalking me, I’d like to know I can take him.”

“The next time some creep is stalking you,” he said seriously, “you should be concentrating on getting the hell away from him. I told you. Don’t start a fight you can’t win.”

“I’m not starting anything,” she protested. “But you said it yourself, I’m a tempting target. If someone else starts it, I’d like to at least have a fighting chance.”

“You’re an unusual girl, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Not really,” she replied. “Maybe you just don’t know enough girls.”

That made him laugh a little, which was surprisingly gratifying. But with a face like his, he was probably very well acquainted with a lot of girls. That was probably why he thought it was funny. Still, she felt like she’d won a point, and she looked down, trying to hide her smile.

“An interesting one, then,” he said. “Okay, come here.” He beckoned her closer, brusque and businesslike. She hung back for a moment, studying him carefully, and he laughed again. “Very good,” he said. “You passed lesson one.”

She tried, unsuccessfully, to conceal her smile, but this was a tactical error: having taken her eyes off of him for a moment, she was startled to realize that he’d closed the distance between them in that instant, and she found herself once again held close against his chest, very like when they’d met in the alley, except this time he’d clamped a hand over her mouth.

“Well?” His voice was calm. “What are you going to do now, Princess?” Did he have to have such a sexy voice? Was it absolutely necessary for him to smell so good? 

Stay focused, Leia. On the street, she would have tried stomping on his foot, but he was wearing boots and she was barefoot, so that was no help. She threw her head back, hard, hoping to connect with his face, but she was a little too short. “Good instinct,” he said, “but not very effective. Your best bet is just to keep moving anything you can move. Struggle. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s got the best chances he’ll drop you.”

So she struggled. He was right. It  _ didn’t _ feel good. In fact it felt awful. But she managed to land a few good kicks, and he lost his grip on her mouth enough that she managed to bite him hard enough she drew blood. He swore and dropped her.

“We’re just sparring,” he said, shaking the hand. “You don’t need to cripple me.” But despite the complaint, she thought she heard an approving note in his voice.

“Sorry. I guess we can call it done for today. Are you— would you like something to eat, or anything?”

He looked surprised. “Are you offering to feed me?”

“You are my guest. Even an uninvited guest is still a guest. On Alderaan we have something called manners. You should read about it sometime.”

He laughed again. It felt even better this time. He really was painfully gorgeous. She wondered how old he was. Too old for her to be thinking the kinds of things he was making her think? Probably. Maybe. He looked a lot younger when she made him laugh.

“Just remember,” he said, as he followed her into the kitchen, “if something does happen, your only goal is to get away. Don’t get into a fight unless there’s really no other choice.”

“Get away and go where?” she asked, looking into the pantry to see what she had. “I’m not exactly hard to find.”

“That’s true,” he said, thoughtful. “And you never know how to get in touch with your father, do you?”

She shook her head. “I never know where he is or what he’s doing,” she said, sadly. “He could get killed and I wouldn’t even know it. Will you sit down? The pacing is making me nervous. I have noodles left over from earlier; I can heat them up for you. Is that okay?”

He sat on one of the high stools at the counter. “I’m not remotely picky,” he said. “I’ll set something up for you. Just in case. You probably won’t need it.”

“Need what?”

“An escape hatch,” he said. “In case something happens and you need to disappear. Like I said, you probably won’t need it, but I’d feel better knowing it exists. I’ll have it for next time.”

“Next time?” She glanced back at him.

“Yeah, next time,” he said, and there was a playful note in his voice. “What, you don’t want me to come back? This cover story’s too good to waste.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you sure this is just a story and you’re not trying to convince me to actually…” She trailed off, not quite able to make herself say it.

“Why?” he asked, tilting his head toward her. “You interested?”

She flushed hot all over. “No,” she lied.

"Too bad," he said with a shrug. 

She dropped his food in front of him, trying to glare, but the fact that she was blushing probably undercut the strength of the glare. Up against a wall, she thought again, trying to control the little shiver of excitement that ran through her.

He ate quickly, without talking much. She made herself a cup of tea and watched him from across the kitchen, wishing that he weren’t quite so gorgeous, or at least that she weren’t so affected by him. She ought to be scared, she thought. He’d told her so himself. And she knew from what had happened earlier that if he did try to hurt her, she’d have a difficult time stopping him. But she wasn’t scared. Not even a little bit. 

“Thanks,” he said, once he’d finished. He got up and brought his used dishes to the sink. 

“Oh, you don’t have to—” 

He ignored her, washed the dishes, and set them to the side. “Do you have somewhere I could lie down?” he asked. “I’ve hardly slept in two days.”

“Oh, of course.” She hadn’t thought this far ahead, but of course he needed a place to rest, if he was going to be here until her father came home in the morning. She led him down the hallway to the guest room, where she lingered in the doorway, trying to think if there was anything else she should offer him. Unless she was just trying to think of an excuse to stay. 

He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it on the edge of the bed, and glanced up at her as he sat to unlace his boots. “Were you just planning on watching me undress, or did you want to come to bed with me?” he asked mildly.

She felt herself blush again, and she should have left the room right then, but instead she leaned against the doorframe and asked, “what would you do if I said yes?”

He laughed. “I would say you’re not as smart as you look. Goodnight, Princess.” He caught her eye, almost but not quite smiling. “Senator.” 

She pursed her lips, not sure whether she’d won or lost that encounter, and stepped out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. The journey from the guest room to her own door had never felt so long. In her room, she changed for bed, and then she sat and brushed out her hair and tried not to think about it. _Like I fucked you up against a wall._

Not helpful. She scowled at her reflection. You’re being really stupid about this, she told herself, silently. There’s a million reasons why it’s never going to happen. _Like I fucked you up against a wall._

She stood up, and, hairbrush in hand, marched over to the door and locked it. There. She was done being so ridiculous. She braided her hair and decided to go to bed.

But before she got into bed, she unlocked the door again. 

You’re being so stupid, she told herself again. Like he’s really going to come in here and… A shiver passed through her as possibilities for what he might do if he came in started to unfold in her mind. This might be a problem.

_Like I fucked you up against a wall._

Shit. This _was_ going to be a problem.

Be logical, she told herself. He was only flirting to get a rise out of you. He’s too old, probably, and you barely know him. And he’s the most attractive guy you’ve ever seen, and he smells delicious, and—

Stop. Be reasonable. 

Oh, who _cared_ about being reasonable? She rolled onto her belly and sighed. _Were you just planning on watching me undress, or did you want to come to bed with me?_

To hell with it. She enjoyed a challenge. In the morning, she was going to make something happen. 

She slept well, when she finally did fall asleep, having worn herself out thinking about _up against a wall,_ and woke up early, feeling serene and confident, ready to put her plan into action. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, but didn’t change out of her nightgown, and she left her hair in the braid she’d slept in. She studied her reflection in the mirror, feeling pleased with herself. She looked rumpled and cute; he’d be expecting her to be polished and perfect, but when he saw her like this, he’d imagine her in her bed, and, hopefully, he’d imagine himself there, too.

He was already awake, and dressed, sitting on the floor in the living room. He glanced up when she came in, and she was gratified by the expression that flickered over his face, which was more or less exactly what she’d been hoping for. Success. A direct hit.

“Good morning,” she said, feeling ever so slightly smug.

“Good morning.” He regained his composure almost right away, but she knew what she’d seen.

“You know, you don’t have to sit on the floor. There’s no shortage of furniture in here. Do you want some caf?” She didn’t wait for an answer, striding purposefully toward the kitchen.

He trailed after her, just as she’d hoped. “Are you going to feed me again, too?” 

“Maybe,” she replied, tart. “What am I going to get out of it?”

“Here I thought it was all out of the goodness of your heart. I should have known a girl like you doesn’t do anything for free.”

“Now what is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You tell me,” he said, leaning against the counter. “What price are you asking for breakfast?” There was a distinctly flirtatious note in his voice. 

“Well, I don’t know.” She did her best to match his tone. “What do you have?”

“Not much. But I’ll wash the dishes.”

“Hm. Tempting.” He’d gotten a little bit too close to her. She leaned back a little bit, looked up at him. “What exactly do you think you’re doing, Cassian?” she asked. 

“Why don’t you tell me?”

“You’re shameless.”

"I really am,” he agreed, face tilted down toward hers, that infuriating little half-smile on his lips. “Or maybe I’m just bored.” He ducked his head to whisper in her ear. “Maybe you are, too.”

“Maybe I am,” she agreed. Although, at the moment, she was anything but. 

“So what are you going to do about it?” he asked. He looked like he was trying to suppress a little laugh, but he stepped in a little closer. “I don’t think now’s a good time,” he said in a low voice that made her feel tingly all along her back. And front. And everywhere else. “Your father’s ship is probably landing at the spaceport right about now. You might want to get dressed. I’m already in for it.”

“Maybe I don’t care if you’re in for it or not,” she said, and then she went up on her tiptoes and kissed his mouth.

She wasn’t sure what her plan for recovery would be if he didn’t kiss her back, but fortunately, she didn’t have to worry about it, because he did, and then he picked her up and set her on the kitchen counter. That was nice, because now she was taller than him, and he had to tilt his face up to keep kissing her. The coarse hair on his face felt rough against her skin, and she tilted her head back as his kisses moved to her neck.

“See,” he murmured against her ear. “I knew it.”

“What are you talking about now?”

“I’m talking,” he said, in between kisses, “about pretty rich girls who like to piss off their parents by slumming it with creeps like me.” He bit her gently at the place where her neck met her shoulder and she stifled a little sound.

“Wrong,” she said. “Completely and utterly wrong.” 

He rested his forehead against hers and she tried to catch her breath. “How old are you, again?” he asked.

“Almost eighteen,” she said.

He laughed. “‘Almost,’ huh?”

“The age of adulthood on Alderaan is seventeen,” she said. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It’s not,” he said.

“Is it… a problem?” She was going to be really annoyed if he decided she was too young after spending half the night flirting with her.

“Not necessarily,” he said thoughtfully.

“Cause it’s not a problem for me,” she said, leaning forward to kiss him again.

“You take some time to think about it,” he said. “You might change your mind. Go get dressed. Your father’s on his way.”

She gasped. She’d almost forgotten about her father. If he came home and found _this,_ no excuses about a “cover story” were going to satisfy him.

She went to her room to change, hoping she’d have a chance to talk to her father before he realized that the spy — Cassian — was here. Although she didn’t know what she thought she was going to say. Hi Dad, remember that guy you told me to stay away from, well, he’s here, and we just made out, but don’t worry, it’s just a cover story. 

That would go over well. 

Unconsciously, she touched her face, which burned a little where Cassian’s beard had rubbed against it. Just a cover story. Right.

When she got back to the kitchen, in a clean dress and with her hair brushed, braided, and pinned in coils around her head, he’d finished making the caf and was leaning against the wall with a cup in his hand. She hopped up on the counter again, because she liked feeling like she was taller than him, and picked up her own cup.

“So,” said Cassian, clearing his throat a little awkwardly. “Before your father gets here, I should probably make sure we’re on the same page about what just happened.”

She felt herself blushing. “We are,” she said.

“You sure?” He gave her a searching look.

“I don’t think it means you’re my boyfriend now or whatever you’re worried about,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m not looking for anything like that, and if I _were,_ I wouldn’t be looking for it with you. I’m not stupid.”

This answer seemed to satisfy him, and he seemed to relax ever so slightly. He was pretty tightly wound, although he’d seemed pretty relaxed a few minutes ago. She studied his face. He really was incredibly handsome, especially when he smiled. He wasn’t quite smiling now, but there was something a little bit soft on his face that suggested a smile.

“What?” he said, and it was sexy and playful and made her feel all warm again.

“Nothing,” she said. “I’m just trying to figure you out.”

He sipped his caf, hiding what she thought was a real smile, maybe. “Good luck.”

A moment later, she heard her father at the front door, and she jumped off the counter. Cassian left his cup on the counter and slipped out of the kitchen, disappearing down the hall. She watched him go, not sure what she was going to say to her dad.

“Dad?” she called, poking her head out of the kitchen. Her father was there, taking off his shoes at the door. He smiled at her.

“Hi honey.” He walked over and kissed her on the forehead. “You’re up early. You weren’t up all night, were you?”

“No,” she said, laughing. “No, I just woke up early.”

“Good,” he said. “I don’t want you working too hard. I know you want to prove yourself, but the Senate is just a formality. A distraction, really.”

“You worry too much,” she told him.

“I can’t help it, sweetie.” He kissed her head again and then asked, “is Miss Holdo here?”

“What? No, why do you ask?”

“Whose caf is this?”

She froze, biting her lip, a little afraid to tell him the truth. “Somebody came to see you,” she said, slowly.

“Who?”

She glanced to the entryway, where Cassian had appeared, silently. Her father followed her gaze and his face hardened.

“Captain,” he said, slowly and coldly. “I thought I was pretty clear—”

“Something’s happened,” Cassian interrupted him. “We need to talk.” He sounded different now, terse. All the warmth was gone from his voice, and his face. 

“Leia,” her father said. “Why don’t you leave us alone for a bit?” He motioned Cassian toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

“Dad,” she said. “I can help—”

“Listen to your father, Princess,” said Cassian.

_“Senator,”_ she said. She didn’t like the way he was talking to her now, like a stranger, like he hadn’t been kissing her neck a few minutes ago.

Of course she sneaked down the hallway after them, and tried to listen at the door while they were talking. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here, Captain?” her father demanded.

She couldn’t make out Cassian’s reply, or what her father said in response to that.

“The council is freaking out,” said Cassian, “and she wants you to calm people down.”

Then something inaudible, and “we need to find a way to contain that man.”

Whatever Cassian said in response to that, it made her father angry, because he snapped, “we’re not doing that.”

A few more things she couldn’t understand, and she was just about to give up when her father said “and why exactly did you feel the need to come to my home with this?”

“I can’t be seen with you in public,” and something else inaudible.

“So you came here while my daughter was alone?” He sounded really angry.

“No one suspects her of anything. Guy like me shows up when her father’s not home? No one’s first assumption is going to be rebel activity.” A short pause, and then, “not even yours, apparently.”

Leia put her hand over her mouth to contain a laugh. 

After that, the conversation got much quieter, and she couldn’t understand any of it, so eventually, she gave up and decided to make breakfast.

As she was finishing it up, she heard her father’s door open, and Cassian came out. 

“You shouldn’t listen at doors,” he told her as he walked by. “Maybe I’ll see you later.”

“Hold on a second,” she said. “I made extra.” She wrapped up some of the breakfast in foil and handed it to him. He tilted his head and gave her a curious look. “You said you were hungry.”

He gave her that searching look again and accepted the package. “Thanks. You’re not what I expected, Senator. Stay out of trouble.” He left.

Her father was standing behind her, and he did not look very happy when she turned around. “You made him breakfast?” he said.

“I made _us_ breakfast,” she said. “It would have been rude not to offer him some.”

“Hm,” said her father. “And when did he get here?”

“Last night,” she said. “Around eight. Do you want some caf?” 

“I thought I told you to stay away from him,” he said.

“Well he just showed up at the door. He said he needed to talk to you, and it was important. What should I have done?”

He sighed. “No, you were right. It was important. I just worry about you. Did he do anything that frightened you, or—”

“No, Dad,” she said. “Everything was fine.”

“Okay,” said her father. “You’re sure you’re all right?”

“I’m fine. What are you so worried about? We’re all on the same side, aren’t we?”

“I’m always going to worry about you, honey,” he said. “I’m your dad. I love you too much not to worry about you.”

“Well I worry about you, too,” she said. “I never know where you’re going or what might happen to you while you’re there. And you never tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “I know it’s hard for you. I was really hoping I could stay with you for a little while, but unfortunately, something’s come up and I have to leave again, right away.”

“I figured,” she said, with a sigh.

He kissed the top of her head. “Be careful around Andor, will you please? I really don’t like this little… _plan_ he’s come up with to use you as cover.”

“Oh,” said Leia, hoping she wasn’t blushing. “He told you about that?”

“He did. Are you okay with it?” Her father gave her a serious, concerned look. “I don’t like it, but it’s your opinion that really counts here.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I’m okay with it. It’s just a cover story, Dad. It’s not like anything is actually going to happen.” She didn't like lying to her father, but there were some things he didn't need to know.

“Right,” said her father, and he didn’t sound totally convinced. “Well. Just be careful, please, Leia. I trust you not to do anything stupid, but Andor can be very persuasive, especially to women.”

Oh no, thought Leia. This is a _sex_ talk. She felt her cheeks go very hot. “Dad. Can you please stop talking? Please? I get it.”

“Just be safe,” he said. “I’m not ready to be a grandfather.”

_“Dad!”_ she said, hiding her face behind her hands. “I _really_ don’t think you need to worry about that.”

“And I don’t want you to get your heart broken, either,” he said.

“You’re really, _really_ overreacting.”

“I can’t help it, honey,” he said. “You’re the most precious thing in my life.”

Her father left as soon as he was finished eating, and Leia called Amilyn. “Hey,” she said. “You’ll never guess what I did this morning.”

“It’s pretty early in the day for you to have done anything,” said Amilyn, rubbing her eyes. “What are you doing wide awake this early?”

“I have a very good reason and I’ll tell you all about it tonight after work.”

“Tell me about it now!”

“Tonight.”

“Well, can I at least get a hint?”

“One hint: it’s about a guy.”

“What?! Tell me everything, right now. Who?”

“Come over after work and I’ll tell you everything then.” Leia cut off the call, laughing.


	7. Chapter 7

Amilyn was waiting for her outside the senatorial housing complex when she got back from work that evening. “Well?” she said. “Who’s the guy? Where did you even meet a guy? You never do anything but work.”

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” said Leia. “Let’s get upstairs first.”

In the apartment, Leia did the standard security sweep that she always did when she got home, to ensure there weren’t any listening devices. Everything clear, she motioned Amilyn into her room and they sat down on her bed.

“You remember the spy? From a few months ago?”

“Yeah, of course. Wait. You told me this was about a guy; is it just more rebel stuff?”

“Well, it’s kind of both. He showed up here last night. He said he had to talk to my dad, but my dad wasn’t here, and then he said—” She blushed, remembering what he had said. “He said I was a perfect cover story, like— if we were, you know.”

“Hooking up,” said Amilyn.

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s interesting, but not as exciting as I was expecting.”

“I haven’t finished yet! We did— I mean we kissed, and— it was a little bit more than kissing. Okay, let me start over.” She told Amilyn the story.

“Well,” said Amilyn, “you were right: I never would have guessed that you made out with a spy in your kitchen this morning.”

Leia laughed a little, covering her mouth with her hand. “Neither would I, if you’d asked me yesterday. Anyway, when my dad got home he kind of freaked out.”

“I’ll bet he did. That spy, what was his name?”

“Cassian.”

“Cassian,” repeated Amilyn. “He’s gorgeous, if I remember correctly.”

“He is,” Leia agreed

“I wonder if he needs another ‘cover story,’” Amilyn mused. “Even though he’s a boy, I could make an exception for him.” Amilyn usually preferred girls, but she liked boys sometimes, too.

Leia scoffed. “He’s probably got a ‘cover story’ on half the planets in the galaxy. My dad thinks he’s going to break my heart.”

“Is he?”

“Of course not! I’m not looking to fall in love here. I’m just. I’d like to have some fun while I can. I don’t get many opportunities for that, you know.” She blushed a little.

“I’m desperately jealous,” said Amilyn, flopping back onto the bed. “I’d kill to have some fun.”

Leia lay down and put an arm around her friend. “What happened with that girl from the tax office?”

“We went out a couple of times,” said Amilyn. “I liked her. But she said I was ‘weird.’”

“You  _ are _ weird,” said Leia. “The right person will appreciate that about you.”

“The right person,” said Amilyn, rolling her eyes. “Who’s waiting for the ‘right person?’ That’ll take forever. Anyway, I have  _ you _ to appreciate my idiosyncrasies. Just need someone for the other stuff.” She sighed. “I’m really starting to hate it on Coruscant.”

Leia nodded. She had noticed that Amilyn seemed increasingly unhappy lately. It wasn’t just her ongoing problems with her roommate, or the lack of someone to have “fun” with; she was also frustrated with her job and homesick.

“I know,” said Leia. “It’s awful here.”

“I don’t like to complain,” said Amilyn. “But I just feel like I’m… bailing water with a teaspoon, you know? Like nothing I’m doing really  _ matters. _ And well… I’ve been thinking, maybe I should go do something else. There’s more important work going on offworld.”

“You mean…” Leia hesitated. Amilyn was talking about going to join the rebellion full time.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Do you think you will?”

“Eventually, I think so. I don’t know. I just know I can’t spend all my time checking forms to make sure people filled them out properly.” 

“It does seem like a waste of your talents,” said Leia, smiling.

“And what are my talents, in your opinion?”

“Inventiveness,” said Leia immediately. “Improvisation. I’ll never forget last year, how you came up with that story about why we were at Paucris… I couldn’t have done that.”

“You would have figured something out,” said Amilyn. “You’re not a bad improvisor yourself.”

“We do make a pretty good team, I guess,” said Leia.

“Yeah… I guess that’s the main reason I don’t want to leave,” said Amilyn. “I’d miss you too much. You’re the only person I ever met who really sees me. Everyone else just sees the hair or the clothes. Or they hear me start talking and decide I’m the weirdest person ever.”

“Well, I also think you’re the weirdest person ever,” said Leia. “But I love you for it.”

“Exactly,” said Amilyn. “No one else ever has.”


	8. Chapter 8

He’d told her she should “take some time to think about it,” so that’s what she did, a lot, over the next few weeks. She thought about it when she first woke up, and she thought about it when it was time for bed, and she thought about it about a hundred times in between. It was, in fact, a little hard to think about anything else. She was impatient for him to show up at her door again, and she wished she knew a way to get in touch with him. 

When he finally did show up at her door, she suddenly found herself unaccountably nervous. She’d imagined what would happen the next time she saw him, probably hundreds of times, but she tended to skip over the part before they started kissing. “Hi,” she said, when she opened the door.

“Hi. Can I come in?”

She stepped back so he could come through the door. “I took your advice,” she said.

“What advice was that?”

“To take some time to think about it.”

“Oh yeah? How did that go?”

“Well,” she said, stepping closer to him and looking up at his face. “I didn’t change my mind.” 

A little hint of a smile on the corner of his lips. She went up on her tiptoes and touched her mouth to that spot, and felt the smile start to grow as he turned his face to kiss her more fully.

“You,” he said, breaking off the kiss and trailing a finger down her cheek. “Are trouble, aren’t you?”

“Am I?” she asked, eyes wide with feigned innocence. “Maybe I’m bored.”

“You must be,” he agreed, as his hands settled on her hips. 

“Are you?”

Another sly little smile crossed his lips. “Not at the moment,” he said at last.

She put her hands on the back of his head and pulled him down for another kiss. His hands slowly moved to her lower back, pulling her in closer.

“You’re going to break my neck,” he said, laughing a little.

“Well,” she said, “if we go to my room and— lie down, then you won’t have to bend down so much.”

“Your room, hm? You think that’s a good idea?”

“I think it’s a great idea. In fact, I only have great ideas.” She took him by the hand and started backing away.

“Is that so?” He was smiling and shaking his head. “Trouble,” he said again, as he followed her.

In her room, she looked up at him, waiting for him to do something, but all he did was look at her, with an expression like he was thinking about something. What was he thinking about? Hopefully the same thing she was. She bit her lip, feeling nervous. Why didn’t he do something?

“Well,” he said, “here we are. Now what do you want, Princess Senator?”

She narrowed her eyes a little bit and put her hands on her hips. “Do you know my name?” she asked, and he laughed.

“Of course I know your name,” he said. “It’s Organa.”

“What’s my _first_ name?” 

“I don’t think guys like me are allowed to call princesses by their first names,” he said. “Or senators.”

_“Everyone_ calls a princess by her first name.” 

He bent so his mouth was close to her ear. “Your name,” he whispered, “is Leia.”

Her breath caught in her throat a little and there was a hot rushing sensation all through her body. Something about the way he said it… She took a few steps back and sat on the edge of her bed. “Just checking.” She looked up at him expectantly.

“Mm-hmm, and what exactly are you planning to do with me now that you’ve got me in here, _Leia?”_ He leaned back against the door, considering her.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Why don’t you come over here and we’ll find out?”

He came toward her slowly. Maddeningly slowly. Like he was just waiting for her to change her mind. He knelt down in front of her, between her knees, hands resting lightly on the tops of her legs. Little sparks of heat flickered from his hands into her core. She felt a little breathless already. And hardly anything had actually happened yet. How would she feel when it did?

She couldn’t wait to find out.

“What next?” he asked.

“Are you always this obtuse?” she asked. “Am I going to have to give you directions the whole time?”

“Yes,” he said, and he smiled a little. “You tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you, but you have to ask for it.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s my condition.” 

“Fine,” she said. “Kiss me. And take this off.” She pushed his jacket down off his shoulders, and he obligingly discarded it on the floor as his mouth landed on hers. She ran her tongue along the inside of his bottom lip, experimentally, and his mouth opened wider, inviting her in. There was a hot ache of desire building inside her already, and she started leaning backward, pulling him down with her, but he hovered over her instead of giving her the satisfaction of feeling his weight on top of her.

“Touch me,” she ordered.

“Where?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere. How specific do you need me to be?”

“Very.” He sounded like he thought it was funny, which was annoying. He ran a hand up the back of her thigh and onto her hip.

“Why?”

“I told you. That’s my condition.” He was kissing along her neck as he talked, nibbling gently at her earlobe, and she arched her neck, letting her head fall back to expose more neck to his mouth.

“Do I have to do the same thing?” she asked. “Wait until you tell me what— what you want?” Her face felt warm and she hoped she wasn’t blushing.

“No. No, you can do whatever you want.”

_“Whatever_ I want?” She raised her eyebrows.

“Within reason,” he added.

“Roll over,” she told him. “Lie down on your back.”

He did what he was told, and she climbed on top of him, straddling him, and pressed herself down to get some relief from the hot ache between her legs, and finding there the hard, definitive proof that he wanted her. She couldn’t stop a little moan from escaping her lips as she bent to kiss him again, and she reached down between them to touch him with her hand.

He stopped her. “Ah,” he said. “Maybe not just yet.”

“Why not?” She wanted to touch him everywhere. She wanted him to touch _her_ everywhere.

“Some other time, maybe,” he said. 

“I don’t understand you,” she sighed. “Give me your hands.” She took them and set them on her backside and then kissed him again. “And take this off,” she added as she pulled away again, pulling at the hem of his shirt. “Or is that not allowed either?”

He sat up obediently and allowed her to pull his shirt up over his head, and then for a moment she just looked at him, greedily drinking in the sight. He was all lean muscle and he had a long white scar that looked like it had been there for a long time, and his chest was sprinkled with dark hair, and she’d never seen anything quite like him. She ran her fingers over the scar and he smiled a little.

“Girls love that scar,” he said, and she blushed suddenly at the reminder that while this was still pretty new to her, he had probably been in a lot of girls’ beds.

“How did you get it?” 

“It’s not a very interesting story. Sometimes when you’re building bombs, they go off a little early. A big sexy scar is the best case scenario if that happens, so I got pretty lucky.”

“What are your _interesting_ stories like?” she said, laughing.

“Classified,” he replied, and kissed her again, pulling her hips gently against him, so she could feel that wonderful, indisputable proof of his desire for her, and she moaned softly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

What she really wanted now was to feel his hands on her breasts. And maybe his mouth, she thought with a delicious flare of white heat between her legs. Yes, that would do nicely. But she felt a little tongue tied. To have to actually _ask_ for it, in so many words… This rule that he would only do things she asked him to do was both an annoying complication and _intensely_ hot.

He was trailing kisses up and down her neck, and the skin of his back felt so warm against her hands, and she absolutely had to know what his hands would feel like on her bare skin, what his mouth would feel like on the parts of her that were currently covered, so, trying not to blush, she touched the hem of her dress, which was hiked up past her knees anyway, and whispered, “I want to take this off.” But no, that wasn’t quite right. “I want you to take it off of me.”

“And then what?” 

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “I’m only thinking one step ahead. Is that all right or do I need to draw up a full proposal and send it to committee for a vote?”

That got a little laugh out of him, which felt like a victory. “That’s all right,” he said, that enigmatic little smile on his lips. He lifted the dress up and over her head, and then he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “Shit,” he muttered. “I need a second. You are— really going to get me into trouble.” His voice sounded a little strained.

She smiled and leaned in to kiss his neck. The feeling of skin against skin, of her bare nipples pressing against his chest, was utterly delicious, and he was subtly lifting his hips up into her, just a little, like he couldn’t help himself.

“Touch me,” she breathed in his ear. She was starting to enjoy this rule after all. “Touch me everywhere.”

He ran his fingertips up her spine, making her shiver, and rested his hand on the nape of her neck for a moment, and then trailing along her collarbone, and down to the top swell of her breast. She arched her back as he was getting closer, but then he stopped and she let out a groan of frustration. 

“Keep going.”

“Going where?”

She put her hand over his and slowly moved it down until he was cupping her breast. “There,” she said, and she could feel his cock move underneath her and she sighed with satisfaction. 

He brushed his thumb over her nipple and she gasped sharply at the electric sizzle of it. “Do that again,” she ordered him, and he did, tracing a little circle around it, and very gently squeezing and lifting her as he did, his lips against her throat. “Now,” she breathed out, “with your tongue.” And he moaned audibly as he kissed his way down her chest and took her breast in his mouth. She pressed her hips down against his and tilted her head back, arching her back and moaning, tangling her hands in his hair.

This was good. This was so good, and yet she still wanted more, wanted to feel him everywhere.

“Touch me here,” she gasped, running her fingers down between her legs. “Touch me right here.” 

He closed his eyes for a moment, like he was trying to summon some kind of self-control, and then he pressed his lips against her ear again and murmured, “I’d rather watch you do it.”

She made an undignified sound, something between a moan and a squeal.

“That way,” he went on in the same low, intense voice, “when it’s my turn, I’ll know exactly what you want me to do.”

This was a very compelling argument; and after all, her hand was right there. She leaned back a little to give him a better view, feeling absolutely wicked as she did. He lay back down, bending his knees so she could support herself on his thighs. She wondered what she looked like from down there, and the thought of it sent her right to the edge and then over it. She came with a deep shudder and a little cry, and then leaned back against his legs, too overwhelmed to do anything else.

He gently slid an arm underneath her, lowering her down onto her back. “Doing okay?” he asked, a little smile in his voice.

She opened her eyes lazily and then let them fall closed again. “Mm-hmm.” She felt incredible.

“Very good,” he said. “Glad I could help. Well then, Princess Senator, if you’re done with me, I’ll tell you the reason I’m here.”

“Why you’re here? It wasn’t for this?”

“Not just for this, no. I have a job for you, if you want it.” He disentangled his legs from hers and reached for his discarded shirt.

“A job?” She sat up. “What kind of job?”

“I need you to make a friend,” he said, tugging the shirt on over his head. “He works for the Naboo senator’s press secretary. Tal Sarkaan. You know him?”

“No,” she said.

“Get to know him.”

“And what?”

“And that’s all.” He picked his jacket up from the floor and took a data card out of one of the pockets. “That’s for you. It’s a file on him. Schedule, interests, everything you need. You and your cute friend with the hair can just bump into him somewhere and hit it off.”

“Amilyn too? Can I tell her what we’re doing?”

“If she can keep her mouth shut about it.”

“She will. And _why_ am I making friends with this Tal Sarkaan?” 

“Don’t worry about it. If you’re going to do this kind of work, you need to learn not to ask questions.”

“He’s from Naboo?” she asked, a little hesitant. Her parents had a weird paranoia about the Emperor’s homeworld.

He must have heard the hesitation in her voice, because he said, “you’re not doing anything but getting to know the guy. Nothing dangerous.”

“It’s not that. It’s just that my parents have a weird thing about Naboo. I went there once and they freaked out.”

He gave her a look. “Didn’t you almost get killed on that trip?”

Of course he knew about that. She flushed. “Yes. But it wasn’t just that; they’ve told me a hundred times I shouldn’t work with Naboo if I can help it.”

“That’s interesting,” said Cassian. “You know, twenty, thirty years ago, Naboo and Alderaan were close. Chandrila, too.”

“What do you mean, close?”

“In the Senate. Always working together.” 

That _was_ interesting. Alderaan and Chandrila. Her dad and Mon Mothma. And the senator from Naboo. Twenty years ago, right before the Emperor seized power. 

“Don’t make me regret telling you that,” he added sternly, putting his jacket back on.

“Can I ask you something?” she said.

“Didn’t I just tell you not to?”

“It’s not about the job,” she said. “I’m just curious to know how many ‘cover stories’ you have going right now.”

He laughed. “A few,” he admitted. “But you’re my favorite.”

She rolled her eyes. “You say that to them, too, right?”

“You’ve got me all figured out, don’t you, princess?”

“No,” she said honestly. “Not all figured out. But I’m working on it.”

“Well,” he said, “you shouldn’t. Ah shit,” he added, glancing at the time. “I have to go. I really should have left twenty minutes ago, but I just can’t say no to a pretty girl. Ah. There you go. You’re just adorable when you blush, do you know that? Especially when you’re not wearing anything.”

“Shut up.” She was only blushing harder, now.

He drew near to her again, running a hand very lightly down her bare back. “You go pink right here,” he murmured, touching her breast with his other hand, making her gasp. “It’s absolutely irresistible.” She leaned up and kissed him again. _Irresistible._ “But,” he said, pulling away again, “I’m afraid I really do have to go.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, breathless. 

“Unfortunately.” He let her go. “Go make your new friend. I’ll be in touch, okay? I’ll come see you next week, or the week after. Pay attention to the things he says, even if it doesn’t seem important, so you can tell me. Oh, and I almost forgot. Your escape hatch.” He produced another data card and handed it to her. “Scandocs. Keep them safe. And there’s an address in there. If something ever happens, you go there and ask for me. They’ll help you.” 

He kissed her one more time. “This was fun. Try to stay out of trouble, will you? I don’t know if I can make time to rescue you.”

“I don’t need you to rescue me,” she said, offended but also a little pleased, and he winked at her and left.

When he was gone, she immediately succumbed to a fit of the giggles. _Holy shit._ That had just happened. And he was coming back. And he thought she was irresistible.

And he was coming back, he’d said. Next week, or the week after. Hopefully he would schedule more time for her. Especially if he was going to keep the rule going and would make her ask for each escalation. Thinking of it, she trembled all over in the _best_ way.

Did he have that rule for all his girls, or was it special for her? And there must be other girls; lots of them, probably. Which was fine, of course. There was nothing _romantic_ going on between them; it was just for fun. 

Meanwhile, though, there was a job to be done. She pulled on a dressing gown, loaded up the file he’d given her, and started studying.


	9. Padmé Amidala

Tal Sarkaan was twenty-one. He worked, as Cassian had said, in the media relations office of the Naboo senator. The senator himself was no more than a crony of the Emperor’s; as corrupt as any of the others, he did little but advocate for whatever the Emperor wanted to do. Not that this was really necessary; if the Emperor wanted something done, it would be done. The Senate’s actual power was limited to things the Emperor took no personal interest in. It was a big galaxy, so this was enough to keep them fairly busy, but once the Emperor decided he wanted something, any Senate debate was merely a formality that provided the illusion that there was still some democracy left. There had been some leeway for certain senators to enter dissent into the record, but since Mon Mothma and her father had left, no one was willing to put up more than the feeblest, most token resistance. Leia had been given the strictest instructions to never do so herself; Grand Moff Tarkin would leap at any excuse to come down on Alderaan, so she had to be biddable and sweet and perfectly manipulable. She hated it, but that was the job she’d been asked to do.

Sarkaan was the younger sibling of one of the former queens of Naboo; the predecessor of the current queen, Dalné. Leia had met Dalné last year, and had liked her immensely. Together they had gone to visit the local governor, Moff Quarsh Panaka, and gotten a promise to improve working conditions for some of the miners working on Naboo’s moon. But Panaka had been assassinated by a rogue rebel sect just moments after she and Dalné had left his house. If they had stayed even a minute longer, they would have been killed as well. She would have liked to keep up a friendship with the young queen, but her parents had been so upset by the trip to Naboo that she hadn’t dared to keep in touch.

Sarkaan had arrived on Coruscant about a year ago, taking a job with the senator. He worked long hours and didn’t seem to have any friends or much of a life outside of work. She wondered if he was lonely or if he just preferred solitude. 

She’d have to find out quickly. She wondered what Cassian wanted with him.

The next morning she called Amilyn, and asked her to come over for breakfast, where she told her everything — well,  _ almost _ everything — and they made plans to run into Tal Sarkaan and befriend him.

In the afternoon, she had a little bit of unscheduled time, so she settled in front of her computer terminal to investigate something. She was curious about what Cassian had said about her father and Mon Mothma being such close allies with Naboo in the old days, before the Emperor took power. It had been sitting in the back of her mind ever since he’d mentioned it, and she wasn’t sure why. 

She had these sorts of feelings sometimes, like being gently nudged. It didn’t hurt anything to look into it. A lot of the records of the Republic had been “lost” in the early days of the Emperor’s reign, but the senator’s name was probably still available. Anyway, Cassian had found out about it somehow. If you knew how to look, you could still find things, and Leia knew how to look. 

It didn’t take long. The senator from Naboo during the last years of the Republic had been a woman named Padmé Amidala. Another former queen, appointed to the Senate by her successor. There were a number of still-available news reports about her from the beginning of her senatorial career; mostly mocking her youth and her elaborate style of dress. Leia couldn’t help but feel a kinship toward a fellow teenage senator; there had been more than a handful of pieces floating around the Holonet making fun of her, too. 

Eventually, she found a holo of her father and Padmé Amidala at a party or reception. It was startling to see how young and handsome her father looked. He was simply yet elegantly dressed in traditional Alderaanian style, his only ornament the cape draped over one shoulder. Amidala, on the other hand, wore what looked like a very heavy brocade dress, with a belt made of gold, a large gold necklace, and an elaborate hairstyle held back with a jeweled headband. She must have been about Leia’s age when this was taken, eighteen or nineteen, but she looked older because of the way she was styled. Leia wondered if Amidala had been trying to look older on purpose; those news reports had been awfully snide about her youth. She was breathtakingly beautiful, but her expression was serious; guarded. She looked like someone who didn’t laugh very often.

There was something else, too. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She frowned, studying the young woman carefully. There was something almost familiar about her; about her eyes, maybe. She zoomed in closer on the frozen image of Amidala’s face. What was it? Maybe she’d met her without knowing? If Amidala and her father had been “close,” as Cassian put it, maybe she’d been to Alderaan and Leia had met her when she was little.

Or maybe she was still on Coruscant somewhere; still in public service, even though she wasn’t a senator anymore, and Leia had seen her around. She must have seen her somewhere, at some point. Those eyes were so familiar.

But if Amidala was still around, where was she? What had happened to her friendship with Bail Organa and Mon Mothma?

She saved the holo and started looking for more recent information about the queen-turned-senator. She finally found it: Amidala was dead. Had died right around the same time that the Republic became the Empire. Right around the same time Leia was born. So she couldn’t have met her, even as a child. She pulled up a holo from the funeral. Amidala lying in a coffin, her long dark hair loose, spread out around her and studded with tiny white flowers. She looked peaceful, and beautiful, and Leia felt a pang of sorrow and found herself blinking back tears. She’d only been twenty-seven. That was still young. What had happened to her? The war?

And if she’d been so close with Leia’s father, why hadn’t Leia ever heard of her before?

She switched back to the picture of Amidala and her father. What was it about those eyes? It was like an itch she couldn’t scratch, something just out of reach, nudging her. There’s something here, she thought, and I need to know what it is. It’s important.

But there were no answers forthcoming, so with a sigh, she switched the computer off and went to wash up a little.

It was when she caught sight of her own eyes in the mirror that it hit her. Those were her eyes. That’s why they were so familiar. Because she’d seen them every day in the mirror. The same eyes.

No, she thought. That’s crazy. You’re being crazy. But she remembered the thing her mother had said, months ago on Alderaan; that she’d known a young woman who became a senator when she was eighteen. And right then Leia had been certain, utterly, that the woman she was talking about had been Leia’s other mother.

The timing was right. Amidala was eighteen when she joined the Senate. She had died around the same time Leia was born, which she’d always been told was what happened to her other mother. She’d known Leia’s parents. She was the right age. She had those eyes.

She held onto the sink, because otherwise she thought she might fall down, and swallowed, hard, still looking at her reflection. Was there a resemblance? Maybe? No, not much. She looked down at her hands, which were shaking a little. Take a deep breath, she told herself. You’re probably just imagining it. She blinked back tears, and suddenly she wanted no one else in the world but her own mom, back home on Alderaan.

You’re imagining it, she told herself again, and even if you’re not, it doesn’t matter, anyway. It’s not important. That’s what she’d always told herself: that whatever had come before she was an Organa didn’t matter. And it didn’t.  _ It didn’t. _ Of course she was a little curious; anyone would be. But it was just curiosity. It wasn’t like… 

She took a deep breath. Get ahold of yourself, Senator. She ran her hands under the cold water and smoothed them over her face. Everything was all right. She had a lot of work to catch up on. She would put this aside and think about it later.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Leia always gets what she wants

He came back about two weeks later, as promised. She opened the door with what she hoped was a wry and knowing smile. “Hi there,” she said.

“Princess,” said Cassian.

She kissed him right there in the hall, throwing her arms around him and practically jumping into his arms. He carried her through the door, laughing a little. “What’s gotten into you?” he asked.

“Just building your cover story,” she said, and kissed him again.

“So thoughtful of you,” he said, setting her back down on her feet. “How are things going?”

“Are you just here for business?”

“I’m always here for business, and you know it,” he said, feigning sternness, and then running a finger along her cheek. “Everything else is just a fun side benefit.”

She smiled.

“Actually,” he went on, “I was sort of hoping I could scam another meal out of you. I like having a princess cook for me.”

She laughed. 

“How are things going with your new friend?” he asked, and he sat down on the sofa. He looked tired.

“It’s going okay. He’s really shy so it’s taking some time for him to warm up, but he’s sweet. I like him, actually, so I hope you’re not going to tell me he’s an Imperial agent or something.”

“I would be very surprised if he were,” said Cassian. 

“And you’re not going to kill him?”

“I’m not planning on it,” said Cassian.

“Do you know you never give a straight yes or no answer?”

“Well, I can’t see the future, so I can’t say for sure.” He bent his head to the side, stretching his neck.

“I think we should have sex,” she blurted out.

“You do, do you?” He looked less shocked than she’d hoped for. But definitely surprised, and, she thought, interested.

“Yes, I do. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

That sly little smile. “Have you?”

She sat in his lap and ran her fingers along the back of his neck. “And I bet you have, too. Haven’t you?”

“I may have… considered it. Once or twice.” 

“And you did say that you’d give me what I want, if I ask for it, didn’t you?”

“I did say that,” he conceded.

“So, I’m asking. Let’s have sex.”

“Hm.” He studied her for a moment, thoughtfully. “You’re really not what I expected,” he said. ”Are you always like this?” 

“I don’t know,” she said, honestly. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. Maybe I would be.”

“But you’ve… done this before?”

“Of course I have,” she lied. “You can’t really think I’m some innocent, after last time.”

She started kissing his neck, and he settled back into the sofa, tilting his head back with a little exhalation, and one of his hands started travelling up her thigh and then onto her waist, and then higher, squeezing her breast gently. “You are really going to get me into trouble,” he said.

“I know you want me,” she murmured against his ear. “I can feel it.” She dropped one hand between them, into his lap, rubbing the rapidly hardening bulge in his pants. For a moment, he didn’t answer, at least not with words, but he made a soft sound and kissed her.

“It’s not just about— wanting,” he said as he broke the kiss.

“Sure it is. What else would it be about?” She returned her attention to his neck.

“You’re seventeen,” he offered, weakly.

“Which is an adult.”

“Not everywhere.”

“On Alderaan it is, and I’m Alderaanian. And I…” She nibbled his ear, like he’d done to her. “Want. You.”

“And do you always get what you want?”

“Mm-hmm.” She increased the pressure of her hand on his erection and he groaned.

“You are a very, very bad girl, you know that?” he asked. His voice was hoarse and rough and his eyes were closed, his head leaned back, and he’d started working a hand up under her dress.

“Mm-hm,” she answered. “I know. What are you going to do about it?” 

He stroked a finger lightly between her legs and she sighed with pleasure. “That what you want?” he whispered.

“It’s a good start.”

“You are so spoiled. Someone really should tell you no once in a while.” 

She let her head fall back and sighed softly. “Not you though. Not today.”

“Not today,” he agreed. “I think today you get whatever you want.” His finger had worked its way inside her underwear and he groaned again.

“Then let’s go to my room,” she whispered in his ear, and he picked her up as he stood.

“You win,” he said, setting her on her feet. “Lead the way.”

She laughed out loud, and then she lifted her dress up and off and stood there in front of him in just her underthings. He ran his eyes over her body, looking sort of… hungry. And then she turned away and started walking toward her room, tossing an imperious glance over her shoulder. “Are you coming?” she called back.

He was behind her in an instant, kissing her neck and groping her breasts from behind, his erection pressing into her tailbone, one knee gently pushing its way between her legs. It reminded her a little of their mock fight the first time he’d come over, except this was much better and she had no interest in trying to get away. Instead she moaned and leaned back against him, arching her back, pushing her breasts into his hands, and one of those hands dropped down to touch her between her legs.

“My room,” she gasped. “I need to— to lie down.”

He withdrew his hands and set them lightly on her hips instead, so she could walk, and she dragged him through the door of her room and over to the bed.

“You’re blushing again,” he said, touching her face. “It’s really fucking cute. What do you want now, Senator?”

“You really like being given orders, don’t you?”

“Sometimes.” He smiled.

“Take your clothes off,” she said. “Wait, no. Let me take them off you.” She pushed the jacket down off his shoulders and then pulled his shirt up over his head. “That’s a good start.” She pulled him down into a kiss, wrapping her legs around his waist again. He had his hands on her body, pulling her closer, firmly but gently. She needed more. She dropped her legs and tried to start unfastening his belt and his trousers.

“Hold on,” said Cassian. “One minute. I need you to promise me something first. If you change your mind, or if anything doesn’t… if you don’t like it, if you want to stop, you have to tell me, okay?”

“Okay,” she said.

“Say it out loud,’ he said.

“If I change my mind or I don’t like it, I will tell you,” she said, rolling her eyes a little.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m serious. I don’t want to hurt you.”

She smiled and ran her hand over his face and through his hair. “You know, you’re not what I expected, either,” she said softly. “You’re… sweet. I promise. But I really don’t think I’m going to change my mind. Now you better take these off.” She reached again for his belt, and he laughed.

“Are you always so pushy?” he asked.

“Yes. And I  _ always _ get what I want.”

“Someday someone’s going to have to tell you no,” he said, dropping little kisses on her skin. “But I think it’s going to have to be someone else.” She tried to shove his pants down off his hips. “Hang on,” he said. “I’m all tangled up. Just lie down there, I’ll get to you in a minute.” He sat up and started to take his boots off.

She took the opportunity to remove her bra and underwear, and then lay back on the bed with its many pillows, and let her fingers drift down between her legs, lazily touching herself while she waited for him.

“May I?” he asked, running one hand up her thigh. He’d disposed of his pants and wore only a pair of underwear, his erection very clearly visible through the cloth.

“Please.” 

His hand replaced hers, very slowly, very carefully, and he closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath. “You are so wet,” he murmured. “Is that for me?”

She groaned, a little more loudly than she’d meant to, but when he said things like that, how could she not?

With one hand still lightly teasing her between her legs, he turned his attention to her breasts. It felt incredible, his mouth teasing at her nipples while his hand worked down below, and now she felt his fingers gently probing, preparing to enter her, and she cried out. He paused. “Are you okay?”

_ “Yes. _ Yes, please, don’t stop, keep going.”

One finger slid inside, and then another, and he let out a soft groan. “You feel ready,” he whispered against her skin. “But I think, before I fuck you, I think I need to see you come. What do you think?”

She moaned. With his fingers still inside her, he started to kiss his way down her body, along the top of her pubic bone, and then lower, a soft, warm lick between her legs, and she made a sound that was embarrassing and ridiculous, but it felt so good, she couldn’t help it.

He stopped, looked up at her. “Is that…?”

“It’s good,” she said. “It just surprised me. Do it again, please.”

He bit the inside of her thigh gently. “So pushy.”

“I  _ said _ please.”

He laughed that little laugh of his, and resumed his attentions. She’d never felt anything quite like this: his warm mouth, tongue soft and making little circles just like he’d done to her breasts, with his two fingers still moving in and out of her. There was a deep ache building, stronger and deeper than anything she’d felt before, stronger than anything she’d been able to induce in herself, and when it finally rolled over her she fell back, shaking, breathless, utterly overwhelmed.

He kissed back up her body and lay down next to her, tracing little patterns on her skin with his hand, sending little electric aftershocks through her.

“Mmm.” She blinked her eyes open at him. He was impossibly hot and gorgeous and he was in her  _ bed, _ and best of all, he found her irresistible.

“You good?” he asked.

“I’m good. I’m really, really good.” She was getting giggly from the sheer euphoria. “What about you?” She reached over and touched his erection, and he closed his eyes and exhaled.

“I’m… great,” he said, voice sounding a little weak.

She pushed him to his back and straddled him, getting her hand inside his underwear and grabbing hold of him, giving it an experimental squeeze which made him roll his head back and groan loudly.

“Cassian,” she said, and that made him moan, too. She put her lips next to his ear. “I think I’m ready for you,” she whispered. “Are you ready for me?”

“You’re sure?” he asked. “You’re really, really sure?”

She squeezed his cock again and he jerked his hips up into her hand. “I’m really, really sure,” she said.

‘Then just… give me one second.” He rolled her off of him and stood up.

“Where are you going?” she asked, going up on her elbows.

He grabbed his jacket up off the floor, fished something out of one of its many pockets, and tossed it on the bed next to her. Condoms, she realized. Oh wow. This was actually going to happen. He pulled his underwear down and off, and now he was  _ naked, _ and she felt her heart start to pound. She was really going to do this.

“You okay?” he asked. “It’s not too late to change your mind.” He put his hand under her chin and looked at her seriously. “It’s not ever too late to change your mind, okay?”

“I know,” she said, and she believed him. She kissed him again, and he knelt over her. She watched him put the condom on, heart pounding. She was really going to do this. He put a hand under her lower back, supporting her with her legs splayed out, and with his other hand he took hold of himself and—

It felt really strange at first. Not bad, just strange. A little sound fell out of her mouth - “oh!” and he paused.

“Okay?” he asked, gently.

She nodded. “Yes. Just— go slow?” She needed a minute to adjust. She felt suddenly grateful that he’d made her promise to tell him if she needed to stop. She hadn’t realized it would be so intense, and it was good to know that he would stop if she asked. Though she had no plans to ask for that. He did go slow, and as she got used to the sensation, it was beginning to feel really, really good. She rolled her head back and let a little moan escape, and he moved just a little faster when she did.

“Do you know what I liked?” he whispered against her ear. “I liked it when you said ‘Cassian.’ Why don’t you say that again?” He kissed her neck.

“Cassian,” she moaned. “Cassian, Cassian.” Oh, it was a nice name. It was the nicest name she’d ever heard, and every time she said it, he made a soft sound and pressed himself a little deeper, and now she couldn’t quite make words anymore, just a little sound at the apex of each thrust, and he was moving faster now, his breath was coming short and fast and then she was coming again and it wasn’t as powerful as the last one, but it seemed to last a long time, and then he was coming, too, and he collapsed on top of her, breathing hard.

As he lifted himself up and off of her, she started giggling. She had really just done that. She had really just had sex with the spy, and she felt like she’d gotten away with something.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, flopped on his back next to her, his chest rising and falling with his breath.

“Nothing, I don’t know. That was really fun.” She smiled at him. 

“Yeah,” he said. “It was.” He kissed her gently. “You’re trouble, aren’t you?”

“Apparently,” she said, watching him get up and start to dress. “But I think you like that about me.” 

“I think you might be right,” he said. He tossed her dress to her. “Now for business. Let’s talk about you and your friend Sarkaan.”


	11. Chapter 11

Leia didn’t mention her investigation into Padmé Amidala to anyone, not even Amilyn, who she usually told everything. But what was there to tell? There was no proof that Amidala was her birth mother; it was just a feeling, a hunch. And just because Leia’s hunches were usually right didn’t mean she was right about this. There was no evidence, however indirect, of a pregnancy, or even of Amidala dating anyone, in any of the old news feeds she found, but there was very little from around the time that Leia had been born, so that didn’t prove anything. The fact that it wasn’t mentioned in her official state biography and obituary was harder to explain, but given the timing, was it possible that Amidala simply hadn’t made her pregnancy public knowledge? Maybe she was tired of living every minute under the microscope of public attention. Leia could understand that. And you could probably hide a pregnancy pretty well in the kinds of voluminous and complicated gowns she wore so often. So maybe she just hadn’t told anyone? 

And then what, though? It didn’t make any sense. There was no way to explain how Leia ended up on Alderaan. And even more troubling, if Padmé Amidala  _ were _ her other mother, who was her other father? There was no clue, no hint. There were occasionally men in the holos, but other than Leia’s father and the Emperor, hardly any of them appeared more than once.

She felt instantly disloyal for even having the thought. Her father was beyond devoted to her mother. He would never. It was eighteen years ago though, she thought. And Padmé Amidala was indisputably beautiful. No, it was impossible; her father would never do something like that, no matter how beautiful she was. But the conspicuous absence of any other candidates made her uneasy.

The more she looked, the more questions she found. Say Padmé Amidala had managed to hide a pregnancy and then died giving birth. Surely the baby would have been sent to Naboo to live with her family, not adopted by a… colleague? Friend? From a different system altogether.

Was there some reason she didn’t want the baby with her parents and sister? Or was Leia simply inventing this entire story out of nothing? 

She had other things to attend to, however. The Senate session, which had felt interminable, was about to close, and she would be going home for the recess, where Alderaan would celebrate her eighteenth birthday and the one year anniversary of her investiture as heir to the throne. She was eager to be back at home, even if she was a little less eager to be the center of attention at the party, not to mention the hours of being fussed over by her protocol droid, 2V, about her wardrobe and her hair and her makeup.

She didn’t usually mind the social duties that came with being the princess; she’d been doing them so long that it came naturally, and she knew it was important. Right now, though, she couldn’t help wishing that she were just a little less visible and important. It would be nice, she thought, to be able to celebrate her birthday like a normal girl, just this once.

At least Amilyn would be there. They’d be at the party for hours before Leia actually got a chance to spend time with her, but she’d be there. She hoped Amilyn wouldn’t be too bored, but Amilyn had a way of making her own entertainment. And Tal was coming, too. The three of them had been spending a lot of time together, and Leia had come to really like him, which bothered her conscience a little.

Cassian showed up at her door the night before she was due to leave for Alderaan. She somehow knew he was outside her door before she checked the camera. Maybe she’d known he was coming even before; just that morning she’d bought a little early birthday gift for herself: a pretty silk nightgown that ended at mid-thigh, with lace around the hem and the neckline. She was usually more of a flannel pajamas sort of girl, but she changed into it shortly after she got home, and then, not even half an hour later, there he was at her door, as if she’d summoned him.

He looked at her with surprise. “Princess,” he said. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Not really,” she answered. “I’ll just change, shall I?”

He stepped into the room and let the door close behind him. “No,” he said, getting close to her. “No, I think you should leave that on until I tear it off of you. What do you think?”

“I think you better not tear it,” she said. “Because it’s brand new. But otherwise I think that sounds perfect.” She went up on her tiptoes and flung her arms around his neck and kissed him, and he picked her up and carried her to her room.

He slid a hand up her leg. “This okay?” he asked, and she nodded, breathless.

“Keep going,” she breathed, rolling her head back. “Higher.”

“Here?” He stroked right between her legs and she lifted her hips up to meet him, moaning out a yes. “Oh,” he said. “Oh, you are really, really… Were you thinking about me, hm?”

“Mm-hmm.”

He nibbled along her neck. “And what do you think about, when you think about me?” He increased the pressure of his hand, just a little.

“Mmmmm,” she sighed.

“Tell me,” he whispered against her ear. “What do you think about? What do you want?” 

His voice was eager, urgent, and it occurred to her with pleasure that he’d been thinking about this, had been thinking about  _ her. _ And maybe it was the new lingerie, or maybe it was just him, but she found the words to tell him  _ exactly _ what she’d been thinking about. He was still careful to get her permission before he did anything, but he was a little less gentle with her this time. Not much, but just enough to make it even more exciting.

When it was over, they both had to lie there for a while, trying to catch their breath. She felt incredible, better than she could ever remember feeling. She made a happy sound and stretched her arms over her head. He’d left the nightgown on her after all, although the hem was pushed up over her hips, and the neck down under her breasts, and it somehow felt even naughtier than just being naked.

“Well,” he said, when he’d caught his breath. “Are you ready to talk business, or am I going to have to get you on your hands and knees?”

“Mm, yes please.” She  _ had _ been wondering what that was like. She rolled onto her belly and gave him a look.

“You’re insatiable,” said Cassian.

“Mm-hmm.” She nodded in agreement. “Utterly.”

“Well, I would love to stay here all night and make you come until you forget your own name, but I’m afraid we’re short on time. The general’s going to be here in…” He checked the time. “Shit. About an hour.” He rolled off of her.

“What?! The general? You mean my dad?” She sat up with horror. “Why didn’t you mention that earlier? What if he caught us?” She yanked the nightie back up over her breasts and ran to the mirror, looking at her disheveled appearance in horror. Her braids were in complete disarray, and the outfit… Oh shit. She looked over at him. He was buttoning up his pants, seemingly unconcerned with the threat of her father coming home to this scene. “Can you hurry up, please?” she snapped. “And wait for me outside?” She was going to have to totally redo her hair.

He looked puzzled, but did as she asked, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. She brushed her hair out, looking at herself in the mirror. She didn’t have a lot of time to put herself back together. She rebraided her hair and pinned it up in one of the most conservative styles she could do, then showered quickly and changed into one of her more shapeless dresses, one with long sleeves and a high neckline. Maybe this was the outfit equivalent of protesting too much, but it was the best she could do. She kicked the sexy nightie under her bed. She’d figure out what to do with it later, but she didn’t want to risk her father noticing it. She better fix the bed itself, too; the blankets were all rumpled in a way that seemed like a huge sign declaring “sex happened here.” Then she took a deep breath to steady her nerves. Okay. She’d done the best she could.

When she went out to the living room, Cassian was waiting, lounging on the sofa, fully dressed. He was so sexy, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. This was bad. Her father was going to know everything as soon as he saw them together.

“So I take it your father doesn’t know about our arrangement?” he asked.

“He does not. And I’d prefer that it stayed that way.” She sighed. “I’m going to make some tea.” Maybe that would help.

“You okay?” he asked. “You seem like you’re panicking.”

“Like I said. I’d rather my father didn’t know about this.”

“What’s the big deal? You made a huge point of telling me that you’re an adult.”

“Yeah, but he’s my  _ dad. _ I can’t be the first girl you’ve been with who has an overprotective father.”

He shrugged again. “It’ll be fine.”

“You said you got in huge trouble just for  _ talking _ to me.” She sighed. 

“I’ll survive,” he said. “Did he kill the last guy, or what?”

She paused. She should tell him the truth. “Well, about that… there wasn’t exactly a last guy.”

He went tense. “What do you mean?”

“I sort of… lied to you, about that. You’re the first guy.”

He looked at her with his brow furrowed. “But you had that boyfriend.”

Of course he knew about Kier. “Yeah,” she said, shrugging. “But we didn’t do  _ that.” _

“Why would you lie about that?” He sounded upset.

She shrugged, embarrassed. “I guess I was worried that you’d make a big deal out of it, or maybe you wouldn’t want to, if you knew. I mean it was hard enough to convince you when you  _ didn’t _ know.”

“There’s a reason for that,” he said, and he actually sounded angry. 

“You never lied to someone to get what you wanted?” she asked, trying to make it into a joke.

“All the time,” he said, “for business. Not just to get laid.”

She bit down on the inside of her mouth. “I’m sorry I lied to you. Are you upset?” This was supposed to be a simple, uncomplicated fling, she thought.

“No,” he said, but she didn’t believe him. “It’s my own fault; I should have known better. Seventeen.” He sighed. “You don’t think it’s kind of a big deal?”

“No,” she said. “Not really. Like what, it should be special?”

“Shouldn’t it?”

“I don’t believe in special,” she said. “I  _ had _ special and it was… ‘That boyfriend,’ as you call him? His name was Kier, and I loved him. We didn’t have sex, no, but— I loved him. He hated the Empire more than anyone I’ve ever— and he was so  _ open _ about it, you know? So I thought I could trust him. When I started figuring it out, about my parents, and the rebellion and everything, I thought I could trust him. And I was wrong.” She gritted her teeth to keep her emotions in check. “He was ready to sell us out. He almost did sell us out. But then he died, before he could. And I have to— to live with that. So I don’t believe in  _ special _ anymore. I don’t want it. I am never going to let someone hurt me like that again. Never.”

She was expecting a lecture from Cassian about how stupid she’d been, but instead he was looking at her with a kind, thoughtful expression on his face. “I’m sorry that happened,” he said. “It’s always a risk, to trust anyone. It happens to everyone.”

“It does?” she asked in a small voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, it does. You know why he did it?”

“He was scared. Of what would happen to Alderaan, if they found out about my parents.”

“Reasonable thing to be scared of.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’m scared, too. But how was turning us in supposed to help? It wouldn’t. It wouldn’t protect anything, it would just— I thought he was smarter than that.”

“People can get stupid when they’re scared. This was the Paucris incident, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” he said. “Things could have gone really sideways, but they didn’t. You made a mistake, and you paid a price for it, but that price… it could have been a whole lot higher. It’s a lesson.” A sad little half-smile. “A shitty lesson. Sometimes the people who are the loudest, they’re the ones who are the most afraid. It’s not your fault you didn’t know that.”

She looked down at her feet. “Thanks.” She wondered what lessons he’d learned; what the costs had been for him.

“Okay. Anything else you’ve been lying to me about?”

“Just that,” she said, pouring her tea. “I’m sorry.”

“And you’re… okay? I didn’t hurt you? I was kind of rough with you tonight.”

“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you,” she said. “I’m not made of glass, Cassian. And if I didn’t like it, I’d have told you.”

“All right,” he said.

“So, you said we need to talk business.”

“Yeah,” said Cassian. “Anything interesting with Sarkaan?”

“I invited him to Alderaan for my birthday thing next week.” She sipped her tea.

He raised his eyebrows. “Who told you to do that?”

“Nobody told me not to,” she replied. “Is it a problem? You said to make friends.”

“No, it’s not a problem,” he said. He looked thoughtful. “Actually, that might be a good opportunity.”

“For what?” she asked.

“For you to introduce me to him,” he said. “How big is this thing going to be?”

“Big,” said Leia. “But not as big as last year. Are you inviting yourself to my birthday party? You know it’s going to be—” She looked doubtfully at his beat-up leather jacket and unkempt facial hair.

“I clean up pretty well,” he said. “How long is this guest list?”

She sighed. “Like… five hundred people?”

“And it’s next week?” She nodded. The idea of Cassian cleaning up and coming to the party was weird. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to. But she wasn’t sure she didn’t, either. “And you’re leaving tomorrow morning?” She nodded again. “Okay,” he said. “Well. I don’t know for sure if I can make it work, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“You can’t just  _ show up, _ you know. You have to be invited.”

“So invite me.”

“And there’s— logistical problems, meals and things.”

“One extra person is going to throw the whole thing out of whack? With a guest list of five hundred?”

“No,” she admitted. “I guess not.”

“Can you get me an invite? For Andrew Callix.”

“Who’s Andrew Callix?”

“I am. Can you get it?”

“Of course. I’ll let them know when we get back and they’ll put you on the list. Andrew Callix.”

“You don’t want me to come,” he said.

“I just didn’t expect it,” she said. “That’s all.”

“I’ve never been to a princess’s birthday party before,” he said. “What kind of stuff do you do at these things?”

“I spend the first two hours or so standing by the door shaking hands with everyone who comes,” she said. “While the guests get drunk on Toniray and eat hors d'oeuvres. And then there’s a little supper and people make toasts and I have to make a toast and then after there’s dancing. But not everyone dances,” she said. “So you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Making assumptions,” he said. “First she thinks I don’t own a razor and now I can’t dance. Come here.” He slid one hand down her lower back and took her hand in the other, and the next thing she knew, he was waltzing her around the kitchen, and she started laughing. 

“I guess neither of us is what the other one expected,” she said, smiling up at him.

“I spend much more of my time than I’d like around you aristo types,” he said. “So I had to learn your ways. Like studying a whole different species and trying to blend in.” He gave her a little twirl and then let go, and that was when they heard her father’s voice outside the door.

Cassian frowned, grabbed her by the hand, and dragged her down the hall, his other hand on his blaster.

“Cassian, what are you—”

“There’s two people out there,” he whispered. “He’s supposed to be alone. Come on.” He pushed her through the doorway into her room and followed her, closing the door.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she whispered.

“Shh.” He put his finger up to her lips.


	12. Chapter 12

She heard the door open and her dad call out, very quietly, “Leia?” 

“Probably asleep,” said another voice. “It’s late.”

Leia relaxed. It was only Captain Antilles. She’d known that Cassian was overreacting, but his paranoia was catching, and she’d found herself a little afraid.

She leaned her head against the door, listening. Cassian was frowning, listening closely. Her father and Captain Antilles had a brief conversation, barely above a whisper, and then she heard the front door open and close again.

“Did you get any of that?” she asked. She hadn’t understood a word. His expression didn’t change.

“Okay,” he said. “I want you to go out there and confirm it’s just your father out there. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, of course. Cassian, is… is there something wrong?”

“Not as far as I know,” he said. “Go on now.”

She stepped out into the hallway. “Dad?”

Her father appeared at the end of the hall. “Leia? Did I wake you?”

“No,” she said. “I wasn’t asleep. Was that Captain Antilles? What was he doing here?”

“Nothing to worry about, honey. Why don’t you go to bed?”

“Did he leave?” she asked. “Is there anyone else here? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetheart. There’s no one here.”

Her bedroom door opened behind her and she saw her father’s face, which was already creased with worries, develop a new frown.

“Captain,” he said, his voice cool.

“General,” replied Cassian.

“I see you were in my  _ daughter’s bedroom,” _ Bail went on, and now his tone was downright icy.

Leia forced herself to keep her expression neutral. Denials would only make things worse. “Why was Captain Antilles here?” she asked again. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.”

“Dad,” she said, “you know that me being stupid is just an act for the media, right?”

Cassian laughed, and it caught her by surprise. She glanced at him, unable to prevent a warm smile from reaching her face and knowing that she was giving away more information about their relationship than she wanted to.

“Captain Antilles has never been to this apartment before,” said Leia. “Why would you bring him here now unless something was wrong?”

Her father sighed. He looked very old, very tired, and very, very sad. Leia felt a surge of love and tenderness toward him. She took his arm and led him back into the living room, sat down on the sofa with him, tucking her feet up under her. “What’s going on?”

“It’s really nothing, Leia,” he said. “Some issues with the crew on his ship.”

“You think you have a mole?” asked Cassian.

Her father looked up at him. “No. But Antilles thinks someone’s feeling the crew out, trying to find one.”

“Someone probably is,” said Cassian. “It’s what I’d be doing. I’ll check it out.”

“We’re leaving on that ship tomorrow,” said her father.

“So I’ll check it out tonight. If you’ve got a breach we’re all fucked, and I know you don’t want to put  _ her _ ” — he nodded at Leia — “on a ship that might be compromised.”

Her father tightened his jaw. “Fine. Meet me at the spaceport at oh-six and let me know what you find out. Leia, honey, would you excuse us now while I talk to Captain Andor?”

“She can stay,” said Cassian. “I just need to know if you got the package. Other than that, I’m done here.”

Her father’s face was impassive; no one but Leia could have noticed the little twitch of anger. It had to be obvious that she and Cassian had not just been talking.

“I did get it,” he said. Leia didn’t bother asking what the package was, knowing they wouldn’t tell her. “And you’re done with what, exactly?”

“Just getting an update on an operation,” replied Cassian.

“An operation involving my  _ seventeen-year-old _ daughter?”

“Eighteen,” Leia objected. Cassian stifled another laugh but this time she glared at him a little. You’re not helping, she thought.

“We need a new contact in Yarik’s office,” said Cassian. “I found a good candidate; she’s just feeling him out for me. She’s not going to do anything dangerous.”

“Anywhere near Yarik is dangerous,” said her dad. 

“It’s too late now, Dad,” said Leia. “It’s already started. Anyway I haven’t so much as spoken to Senator Yarik. Tal’s barely met him.”

Her father stood up, handed something to Cassian. “Here’s that package. Don’t come back here again, and stay the hell away from my daughter. You can find someone else to recruit your contact.”

“Dad, calm down,” said Leia. “The overprotective father act is a little condescending and sexist, don’t you think?”

Her father had the sense to look chastened, and Cassian said nothing as he left, though he threw a little half smile back at her before the door closed.

Her father turned back to look at her. “I’m sorry, Leia. You’re right. I’m… having a hard time. You’re all grown up and I wanted — I hoped — to have a better world for you to grow up into, but things just keep getting worse.” He sat down next to her again. “For the last eighteen years, from the first moment I saw you, you’ve been the most important thing in my life. Everything I’ve done has been with the hope of protecting you, and now you’re grown and you don’t want me to protect you anymore, do you?”

She felt tears in her eyes. “I love you, Dad. And I know how much you love me. You just have to trust me, though. I know what I’m doing.”

He kissed the top of her head. “None of us really know what we’re doing, honey.”

“Well I’m not going to stop being friends with Tal,” she said. “He’s not dangerous; he’s just a guy who works in media relations.”

“Anyone from Naboo is dangerous to you,” said her father, sadly.

“To me, specifically?” she asked. He didn’t answer. “Tell me why, Dad. It’s because of your friend, right?”

“My friend?”

“Senator Amidala.”

His face went pale. “Where did you hear that name?” he asked her.

“Old newsnet stuff. Somebody told me that Alderaan and Chandrila used to be really close with Naboo, like twenty years ago, so I looked into it.” Better not to mention that it was Cassian who’d told her that.

He didn’t say anything, but he put his face in his hands. He looked so old and sad that part of her wanted to let it drop but it was too late now, she had to know, and through tears she asked “who was she, Daddy? Was she my mother?”

He started to cry, and she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I asked. We don’t have to talk about it ever again.”

“No,” he said, wiping his eyes. “You don’t need to apologize, honey. I should have known you would figure it out, and you have every right to know the truth. Yes. You’re right. She was your mother.”

“What happened to her?” asked Leia.

“She died when you were born, just like we’ve always told you. Your mom and I had been talking about adopting a little girl for years and years, and it just never seemed like the right time, and then suddenly… you needed someone who could keep you safe and you were the most beautiful little creature I’d ever seen, and I knew, the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that I was meant to be your father. That Padmé,” — his voice broke ever so slightly on the name — “would have wanted you to grow up someplace like Alderaan. Someplace safe, where you would be loved, and protected.” He shook his head, still teary. 

“She didn’t have family?” Leia asked, knowing full well from her investigations that Padmé Amidala’s parents had outlived her, though they were now dead, and that she had a still living sister with a daughter ten years Leia’s senior. And what about my other father, she didn’t ask. Did he die, too? What about  _ his _ family? Didn’t any of them want me? What else aren’t you telling me? 

It didn’t make sense. If she’d had grandparents, and an aunt, and a cousin, all back on Padmé Amidala’s homeworld, how had she ended up on Alderaan?

“Her family didn’t know that she was pregnant, and it seemed… safer, not to tell them. It’s… I’m sorry, Leia. It’s hard to explain. It was such a chaotic time. I’ve never told you, but Palpatine declared himself Emperor the same day you were born. And Padmé’s husband, your— your father,” — his voice broke on that word and she wanted to cry — “was very close with him.”

“With the Emperor?” She could barely breathe. The confirmation that there had been a husband after all was a relief, but close with the Emperor? What did that mean?

“Yes.” He looked at her seriously, worried. “And now every day I’m terrified that someone will recognize you, because you have her eyes, and you’re just as stubborn and brilliant as she was.”

“I think Quarsh Panaka recognized me,” she said, softly, thinking of the odd questions that the moff had asked her when she’d visited him. 

“Yes,” said her father. “I expect he did. He knew her quite well; he was the head of her security when she was queen. I don’t like how Gerrera does things, but we got very lucky that he took out Panaka before he could tell the Emperor about you.”

“Why would the Emperor care?” 

Her father looked so pale and drawn. “Because of your biological father. He was… very close to the Emperor. Very close. And the Emperor was one of the few people who knew about his relationship with Padmé. If he knew that Padmé’s child survived... only bad things could happen. That’s why we thought it was safer not to send you to Padmé’s family. Maybe that was a mistake. You deserve to have a— a real family.”

“You  _ are _ my real family,” she answered, trying not to sob. “Is he still alive?” she asked. “My biological father?”

Her dad looked away. “No. He died a long time ago.”

He’s lying, she thought sadly. He’s lying to me. Her biological father was still alive, and he was still dangerous to her. Because if he found out about her, he would want her back. She felt a cold shiver on her spine.

But she let the lie slide. She probably didn’t want to know the truth about who her biological father was, and she didn’t think she could bear to watch her father cry again.

“You look tired, Daddy,” she said gently. “You should go to bed.”

“I  _ am _ tired,” he said. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You shouldn’t have had to find out about Padmé on your own. I wish we could have told you, but it wasn’t safe.”

“I know.” She hugged him. “I know, Dad, it’s okay.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too. Are you coming home with me tomorrow?” she asked, hopefully.

“Yes.” He smiled. “Will Miss Holdo be joining us?”

“Yeah, if that’s okay. Um, I invited Tal, too. Not for tomorrow,” she added hastily. “Just for the party.”

“That’s your Naboo friend?”

“Yeah. He’s really nice, Dad, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“All right,” he said. “I guess you’re right that it’s too late for me to stop you, so I might as well get a look at him myself. But now will you tell me something, honestly?”

She had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to ask about, and she winced. “Yes, okay.”

“You and Captain Andor… Is he treating you all right?”

She blushed. “It’s not serious, Dad.”

“It’s not serious’ isn’t actually what your father wants to hear, sweetheart. I’d prefer that it  _ were _ serious. Well, I’d prefer that it weren’t happening at all. But since it apparently is, I’d like to know that you’re okay, and that you’re being… safe.”

She scrunched up her face with embarrassment. “Yes, yes I’m okay and yes I’m being safe, and yes everything is fine and no you don’t need to ask me about this ever again,  _ please.” _

He sighed. “I’m sure you know I don’t approve of him. He’s… not a good man. But you are an adult, and you have the right to make your own decisions. Just. Please be careful. And I want you to talk to your mother about it when we get home.”

She groaned. “Dad, I really don’t think—”

“Humor the old man, will you?” he said.

“Go to bed,” she told him.


	13. Chapter 13

She woke up early, hoping to go with her father to meet Cassian to find out about the possible security breach on the Tantive IV, but her father told her that she should stay home and get some more sleep, and it didn’t sound like a suggestion, so she stayed.

She’d been dreaming about a lovely, sun-drenched meadow near an enormous waterfall. The grass was tall and dotted with wildflowers that she didn’t recognize. The sun felt warm on her skin and the spray from the waterfall was pleasantly cool. She wouldn’t have minded going back to sleep and visiting that place again, but once she was awake, she was awake.

Her father told her that he’d let her know when the ship was ready for them, so she called up Amilyn and asked if she wanted to get breakfast while they were waiting. For all of Coruscant’s flaws, one thing it did have going for it was the food. While they ate, Leia filled her in on everything that it was safe to talk about in public, with promises to tell her more on the ship. The idea of finally being able to tell Amilyn about Padmé Amidala was a great relief, but of course she couldn’t do that until they were safely away from Coruscant.

It was a short trip to Alderaan from Coruscant — only a few hours in hyperspace — but the difference between the two planets was so stark that it always seemed as if you must have been travelling for weeks. As always, Leia felt something inside her relax the moment she could see the beautiful colors of home through the window, and a kind of wonderful joy when she took a breath of the clean, fresh Alderaanian air. 

That night, while she was supposed to be getting ready for bed, her mother came into her room. Leia was impatiently letting her droid take her braids out, a task she did for herself on Coruscant, but which 2V insisted was her responsibility. “2V,” said her mother. “I’d like to take care of the princess myself tonight, please. You can go ahead and power off for the night.”

“Your Majesty—” the droid objected.

“Please indulge me, 2V. I haven’t seen my daughter in far too long and I’d like a little mother-daughter time.”

2V muttered and fussed but took herself out of the room. Breha approached her daughter and gently continued the work of undoing her hair. It was much more pleasant to have a human touch on her hair than the droid’s. She wondered whether Padmé Amidala had liked having her hair done. She had worn it so elaborately, it must have taken hours for her to get ready. 

Leia closed her eyes. Her mom had often liked to do this ritual with her, even though it really was the droid’s job. 

With the braids out, she began to brush it out, gently. “I’ve always loved your hair,” said her mother. 

Leia laughed. “I know. You’ve mentioned that once or twice.”

“Your father mentioned that you’ve made a new friend,” her mother said. 

Leia tried to stifle a groan. “Is that how he phrased it?” 

Her mother laughed. “Not exactly. Try to go easy on your dad, Leia. It’s hard to see your child grow up and make the same mistakes every young person does.”

“You think I’m making a mistake?” asked Leia.

“Well, I haven’t met the young man, myself,” said her mom. “My understanding is that he’s quite a bit older than you, and—”

“—a bit of a scoundrel?” Leia interrupted.

Her mother laughed. Back when Leia was dating Kier, her mother had told her that he was a little too perfect for a first love, that it was good for a girl to fall for a bit of a scoundrel.

“Mom,” said Leia. “What exactly are you worried about?”

“All kinds of things,” said her mother. “Mostly that later on, when this is over, you’ll look back at it and regret it, or feel like you didn’t really have as much control as you think you do now. That happens, especially with young women and older men.”

“He’s not that much older.” She wasn’t exactly sure how old Cassian was, come to think of it. 

“And of course,” her mother went on, “we’re afraid that you’ll fall in love with someone who’s not serious about you, someone who’ll break your heart.”

“I’m not  _ in love  _ with Cassian,” she said. “I loved Kier, Mama. And  _ he _ broke my heart. He broke it so badly I don’t think it’ll ever recover and then he  _ died _ so I can’t even be mad at him.” Her voice choked with tears.

“Oh, baby,” said her mom. “I know.” She put her arms around Leia and let her cry. “I know.”

“He was going to turn everyone in,” said Leia, sobbing now. “And if he hadn’t died, you and Daddy would be dead or at least in prison but probably dead.” She accepted the handkerchief her mother handed her and wiped her eyes. “He betrayed us. He betrayed  _ me.  _ And I can’t forgive him, but I can’t stop loving him either and I miss him  _ so much.” _

Her mother kissed the top of her head, and smoothed her hand down her hair. “Love is so complicated, my darling. I’m sorry.”

“That’s exactly it, Mama. Love is complicated. But this thing with Cassian isn’t.” She wiped her face again. “It’s just… fun. I never want to fall in love with anyone ever again. Or at least not for a long time. But I don’t want to be…” She trailed off, not sure how to say what she didn’t want to be. A virgin princess, untouched and untouchable? “Everything’s so hard and scary all the time. I just want…”

Her mother kissed her hair again. “Oh, my love. I know what you mean. It feels like death is staring us all down, doesn’t it? Some days I can’t believe that I sent you back into that rancor pit of a capital to be eaten alive.” She started braiding Leia’s hair again. “And you know, when death feels close, when we’re afraid, it’s natural to be drawn to other people, to want… it’s comforting, to be with someone, to touch somebody. Love, and sex, they help us remember that we’re still alive. That our lives are still worth fighting for.”

Leia blushed and didn’t say anything. Her mother finished the braid and flicked her nose with the tail as she had done when Leia was little. “I love you, Leia, and I trust you. I know you can take care of yourself, but you don’t always have to. Your dad and I will always be here.”

You won’t though, thought Leia. Someday you won’t. A little chill raised goosebumps on the back of her neck and she hugged her mother again. 

Her mother was about to leave when Leia asked the question she had been wanting to ask. “Mom? Did you know her? Senator Amidala?”

“Yes,” said her mother. “Not as well as your father did. But she used to visit us here, oh, once or twice a year. Occasionally even more often. She liked to come and stay for a few days or a week before she went home to Naboo; your father had asked her to visit at the end of her first Senate session, and it became a bit of a tradition for her.” She came and sat next to Leia on her bed, smiling softly. “I always did look forward to her visits. She was such a lovely young woman, and so dedicated to public service. And very brave. She would have been a wonderful mother.” She sounded like she was holding back tears.

“But then I wouldn’t have you,” said Leia, leaning her head on her mother’s shoulder and trying not to cry.

Her mother kissed the top of her head and squeezed her close, and Leia lost the battle she’d been fighting against her tears and cried into her shoulder. “Oh, sweetheart,” said her mother. “What’s wrong?”

Leia shook her head, still pressing her face into her mother’s shoulder. She wasn’t sure what was wrong, only that the other life that she had almost lived seemed real for the first time, and the idea of having different parents, a different homeworld — maybe even a different name? — was overwhelming and terrifying. Of course she’d always known there had been a different possible life, with a different possible mother, but now that the other mother had a name, and a planet, and a whole life, she found herself fervently wishing that she had never heard of Padmé Amidala, that she’d never opened this door that couldn’t be closed.

The tears passed, eventually, and her mother again wiped her face with a handkerchief. “It’s hard to think about, isn’t it?” she asked. “Sometimes that happens to me, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the very best thing in my life. Being your mother… I can’t imagine who I would be, if I weren’t your mom. But I only get to be your mother because of a terrible tragedy, because we lost a dear friend. And she was so young. She had so much life ahead of her, so much good she wanted to do.”

Leia drew her knees up into her chest, wiping her eyes. “Would she have been part of the… a rebel?”  _ Like us. _

“Yes,” said her mother. “I have no doubt about that. As I said, she was so dedicated to public service, and she had such a good heart, she couldn’t stand to see injustice. She was one of the few people who would challenge Palpatine as Chancellor. She blamed herself for his rise to power, and she regretted what she’d done to make it possible. I think she would have spent the rest of her life trying to undo that mistake.”

Leia frowned. “What do you mean? Why did she blame herself?” She tried to remember what she’d learned about the Emperor’s initial rise to the Chancellorship, but she was so exhausted that nothing was coming to mind. She was so tired. She lay down, curled up on her side with her head in her mother’s lap.

“You remember learning about the Naboo crisis,” said her mother, stroking her hair. “Don’t you?”

Leia nodded. Historians generally pointed to it as the beginning of the Clone Wars, even though the war itself hadn’t erupted for another ten years. It was the first major conflict between the Trade Federation and the Republic.

“Padmé was queen then,” her mom went on. “Just a girl, really. Younger than you, and the weight of that whole world on her shoulders. And she’d only been queen a very short time when the Trade Federation invaded. She managed to escape, and went to the Senate to beg for help, but the old chancellor refused. She was quite desperate. It put Naboo on the galactic stage for the first time, and their senator, Palpatine, took full advantage. It’s unlikely he’d have ever been able to make a serious bid for chancellor if it weren’t for the crisis.”

Leia wiped her eyes. 

“Here, love,” said her mom. “Time for bed.” She pulled back the sheets and Leia climbed in. Her mother kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry we kept all these secrets from you, sweetheart. It’s nice to be able to talk about her. We were both very fond of her. Is there anything else you want to know?”

“No,” said Leia. “I don’t think so, right now.” She down inside her mouth. There was one last thing. “Well. Maybe.”

Her mom had hold of her hand, sitting there on the edge of her bed. It felt like being little again. “You can ask me anything,” she said.

“Well. I wondered. About my name.” There were no relatives on either parent’s side named Leia, no previous queens of Alderaan with that name. 

Her mother smiled. “Yes. Your father says it was the very last thing she did, was name you Leia. We worried that we ought to change it, to help keep the secret, but it felt wrong."

Leia thought she might start to cry again. “Okay,” she said in a small voice. “Thank you Mama. I love you.”

Her mother kissed her on the forehead. “I love you too, sweetheart. Sleep well.”

She lay in bed for a while, making an effort to sleep, but even though she was tired, her head and her heart both felt too full of questions, so after about half an hour, she stole out of her room and tiptoed down the hall to the guest suite where Amilyn was staying. She tapped at the door, holding her breath. Amilyn liked to stay up late, but they’d had a busy day.

“Hey,” said Amilyn when she opened the door. “What are you doing up?”

“Can’t sleep,” said Leia. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

They retreated together to the big bed against the far wall, climbing in next to each other just as they did back on Coruscant. It occurred to Leia that it had been weeks since they’d done that; since Cassian had started showing up, Amilyn hadn’t slept over. “I feel like we’ve hardly seen each other,” she said, snuggling around her friend.

“I know,” said Amilyn. “It’s sort of a hazard of being best friends with a princess. And you’ve been busy with your cover story.”

Leia felt herself flush. “It’s not just that,” she said. “I’ve only seen him a couple of times. But there’s something I haven’t been telling you.”

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant or something,” said Amilyn, eyes wide.

“Am! Of course not. No, it’s nothing like that.” She sighed, and then started to tell her about Padmé Amidala.

“Anyway,” she said, “I finally got up the courage to ask my parents about it, and it turns out I was right. And now I just don’t know what to think.”

“Wow,” said Amilyn. “How come they kept it a secret?”

“I don’t really know. My dad said it was dangerous. I guess it was all a big secret even back then; she didn’t tell hardly anyone that she was having a baby. Not even her parents, or anyone. She didn’t want anyone to know, but I don’t know why.” She rubbed her eyes. “My dad said that if the Emperor knew about me, bad things would happen. What does  _ that _ mean?”

“I don’t know,” said Amilyn softly. “That’s scary.”

“What would the Emperor want with  _ me? _ And why did she keep it a secret in the first place? She didn’t even tell her own family? I don’t know. It’s like the more answers I get, the more questions I have, but I’m afraid to keep asking. Maybe I don’t want to know.”

“What about, you know, your father? Your biological father?”

She sighed again. “Dad wouldn’t tell me who he was, just that they were married, but hardly anyone knew about it. And that he was ‘close’ with the Emperor, whatever  _ that _ means.”

“So a secret marriage  _ and _ a secret baby?” said Amilyn. “That’s so weird. I wonder why.”

“That’s what I can’t figure out. Why keep it a secret?”

“It must have something to do with who he was. Maybe he was already married? Or he was a priest or a Jedi or something.”

“You really have some imagination,” said Leia, laughing a little.

“Well, or maybe she thought her family would disapprove of him? Like he was the wrong social class, or something.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. The way they talk about her, it’s hard to believe she would put up with that kind of thing.”

“I like the Jedi theory,” said Amilyn.

“You watch too many holovids.” Leia yawned. “Anyway, Dad said he was close with the Emperor, and the Emperor had all the Jedi killed.”

“Yeah,” said Amilyn. “I guess it’s kind of far fetched. But there has to be a reason. I mean people don’t just keep that kind of stuff secret.”

“Yeah.” She curled in closer to Amilyn, snuggling around her. “Honestly I’m just… I just don’t even want to think about it anymore, not right now. Let’s just go to sleep.”


	14. Chapter 14

The household was thrown into a panic in the morning when 2V entered the princess’s chamber and the princess was not in her bed. At least, 2V was panicking. The commotion raised by the droid brought everyone in the residence wing of the palace out of bed, thinking some tragedy must have occurred. Leia stumbled out into the hallway, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, with Amilyn right on her heels, and collided with 2V immediately.

“Oh! Oh!” the droid cried. “You’re safe! Your Highness!” 2V clung to Leia with her cold arms, wailing. “It’s all right!” she shouted. “I found her! She’s all right!”

Leia’s parents came down the hallway in their dressing gowns, looking bemused. “What seems to be the trouble, 2V?” asked her mother.

“Oh, Your Majesty, I went to wake Her Royal Highness like usual, but she wasn’t in her room and I thought… Oh where  _ were _ you, Princess Leia? You frightened me half to death!”

“I was just in Amilyn’s room,” said Leia. “I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“Oh!” cried 2V. “Oh why do you delight in vexing me!”

“I don’t delight in vexing you,” said Leia, keeping her voice calm and politely refraining from rolling her eyes at the droid’s over-the-top performance. “I’m really very sorry, 2V.”

“It’s my fault, 2V,” said Amilyn. “I was having a terrible nightmare and the princess came to comfort me.”

“Oh. Oh. I suppose that’s— that’s very kind of you, Your Highness. Well. Well. Thank goodness everything is all right. We should get you dressed and ready now, shouldn’t we? Come along now. Come along.” 2V took Leia by the arm and started to lead her toward her room. “Imagine, out in the hallway in your pajamas like this, and your hair not combed! Why, anyone could have seen you!”

Leia followed along obediently, tossing a look over her shoulder at Amilyn, trying not to laugh. Amilyn made a face at her and then disappeared back in her own room to get ready for the day.

When they sat down to breakfast, Leia with her hair in a much more complicated style than she ever wore it on Coruscant, her mother gave the two of them a steady, firm look, and told them that they were strictly forbidden from thinking or worrying about anything related to what they all habitually referred to simply as “business” while they were on Alderaan.

“You are on holiday,” she said. “I insist on it. You both work entirely too hard, and so your mission for this week is to enjoy yourselves. Do you understand me?”

Leia attempted to protest, but she was overruled by the Queen, the Viceroy, and even Amilyn, so she was forced to admit that a break wasn’t the worst idea.

Following orders, after breakfast the girls went down into the main market square of Alderra to look around, and Leia couldn’t deny that her heart felt lighter and happier than it had in months, strolling through the broad streets lined with little shops, with bright flags strung high. The sky was threatening rain and the air felt cool and fresh and delicious. What an improvement over the stagnant air and constant noise of Coruscant! And perhaps the best difference of all — not a stormtrooper in sight. She hadn’t realized what an extravagant luxury that was until she’d gone offworld.

There were also the furtive glances and whispers as people saw their princess walking through the streets, but she was, more or less, used to that, so she smiled and accepted the attention with good grace.

“I love this place,” said Amilyn, linking arms with Leia. “All the color. It’s beautiful. Ooh, look at that dress!” She dropped Leia’s arm again and almost ran to the window of a shop just ahead of them. 

“That’s perfect for you,” said Leia. It was a red dress with a ruffled flounce and an elaborate design worked in gold sequins all over the bodice; exactly the kind of outrageous that Amilyn loved.

“I love it,” said Amilyn.

“You better try it on!” Leia grabbed Amilyn’s arm and pulled her into the shop, giggling and feeling wildly, blissfully normal. Maybe her mom had been right. She did need a holiday.

“You have to get it,” she pronounced once she’d seen the dress on her friend. “It’s perfect for you.”

Amilyn glanced at the price tag. “A bit steep for a humble civil servant like myself,” she said. “I can’t afford it.”

Leia shook her head. “Nope. Ami, you have to have that dress. I’m buying it for you. Call it a birthday present.”

“That’s not how birthday presents work,” Amilyn objected.

“Don’t argue with me,” she said. “I’m getting it for you. Just promise me you’ll wear it to the party. Nobody will be looking at me if you show up in that.”

Amilyn laughed. “I guess you’ll be in some understated white gown like usual?” She ducked back behind the curtain of the changing room.

Leia laughed. “I guess I do have a uniform.”

“Well, you always look beautiful. You’d look beautiful in something like this, too, though.”

“I would look ridiculous in something like that,” said Leia. “I’m way too short, for starters.” Amilyn was so tall that she looked amazing in everything.

Leia had a brief, polite argument with the owner of the shop, who was insisting on giving her the dress for free, and eventually settled on the compromise that Leia would pay to have the dress boxed up and sent to the palace, a service for which she paid the full price listed on the tag of the dress.

Their next stop was a tea shop that served Gatalentan tea, which both girls agreed was the best tea in the galaxy. Here, too, the proprietor insisted on not charging the princess, so Leia asked to pay the bill for everyone else in the shop instead.

As they sipped their tea, Amilyn shook her head. “It’s so weird people keep trying to give you free stuff. I mean, you can afford it.”

“Yeah,” said Leia, frowning. “I know. But people like being able to say ‘the princess shops here’ and that kind of thing. It brings in more customers.”

“Everyone wants to be a princess,” said Amilyn, picking up a cookie and eyeing it uncertainly. “That must be really weird.”

“It is, I guess,” said Leia. “I mean, I’ve been the princess my whole life, so I’m used to it. But that is the one thing I do like about being on Coruscant — once we get out of the Federal District, nobody has any idea who I am. You’re the one everyone’s staring at.” She smiled up at her friend.

“Well, thank you for the gift,” said Amilyn. “I love it.”

“Well, I love you, you weirdo,” said Leia. “You know, Am, I have the weirdest feeling today. Like… I don’t know. It feels like missing someone, or like when you think about the past and feel sad that it’s over, but what I’m missing… it’s right now. It’s you. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Amilyn’s face looked distant and sad, as if she were thinking about something. “I wasn’t going to mention anything until after the party,” she said. “But I quit my job and I’m not going back to Coruscant.”

Leia’s face fell. “Oh.”

Amilyn reached across the table and took Leia’s hand. “It’s not like we’ll never see each other again,” she said.

We might not, thought Leia. We might not.

“I knew you were going to go sooner or later,” said Leia. “Ever since you mentioned it a few months ago.”

“Yeah,” said Amilyn. “Are you upset?”

“I’m just sad,” said Leia. “It’s going to be really lonely.”

“I will be, too,” said Amilyn. “But hey, at least you’ll have you know who to keep you company, right?”

“Oh, that’s not even close to the same thing and you know it!” She dropped her voice a little lower and added, “we better not mention him in public.”

“Cover story,” whispered Amilyn, and they started giggling.

“I’m really going to miss you, Am,” said Leia when they’d recovered from their mirth. “But I think you’re doing the right thing.”

“Thank you,” said Amilyn. “So do I. And I’m going to miss you, too.”


	15. Chapter 15

The day of the party arrived. Amilyn and Leia got ready together, despite 2V’s fussing and muttering about the impropriety of it. By way of apology, Leia allowed herself to be talked into one of the more elaborate hairstyles in 2V’s repertoire and only put up token resistance to capping things off with a diamond and pearl tiara that had been made some two hundred years earlier for another princess of Alderaan. Leia found such things a little pretentious, but it made 2V happy.

She couldn’t help but envy Amilyn a little, looking at how happy she was in her outlandish dress, getting to be exactly who she wanted to be, and looking exactly how she wanted to look.

Her father came to collect them, and offered each girl an arm to escort them down toward the grand hall where the first, and most tedious, part of the party would take place. “Miss Holdo, I’m afraid we’ll have to leave you here,” he said. “You’ll be shown in with the guests.”

“Good luck, Leia,” said Amilyn, laughing again. “I’ll see you in--”

“Two or three hours,” said Leia, and then they were both laughing again and Leia felt tears pricking her eyes and gave Amilyn a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then Amilyn swept down the hallway with a dramatic flourish and Leia took her father’s arm again, straightened her posture, put her princess smile on, and went to greet her guests.

The receiving line was always brutal. Shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with five hundred people took a long time, and it was hard to stand still and hold a smiling, pleasant expression for that long, but it was all part of the job, so she did her best.

Amilyn came through the line, and very formally and gravely shook Leia’s hand. “Your Highness,” she said, giving an outrageously exaggerated curtsy, and Leia almost couldn’t hold back another fit of the giggles.

Tal was right behind her. “Tal!” she said. “I’m so glad you could make it. Daddy, this is my friend Tal, that I was telling you about.”

Her father turned toward her, still smiling from his own encounter with Amilyn, and reached out his hand. “The young man from Senator Yarik’s office?”

“Yes, sir,” said Tal.

“Very good,” said Bail. “Welcome to Alderaan. My wife, Queen Breha.”

The line wound on and on, and Leia held back a yawn. She thought longingly of the food and drink that was at the other end of this, and cast a wistful glance in the direction that the guests were flowing, where the cocktail hour was well underway for those who’d already come through the line.

“Andrew Callix” was the last guest to come through the line. She almost didn’t recognize him at first. He did, in fact, clean up well. The scruffy stubble was gone, just a neat, well-trimmed goatee left behind, and he was dressed just like any other Alderaanian gentleman in a blue tunic. Everything about him seemed different: more polished. Like anyone else here. It made her feel uncomfortable and nervous. She didn’t know how to react, especially when she felt her father go tense beside her. Had she forgotten to mention the last minute addition she’d made to the guest list? Well, it was too late to do anything now. She extended her hand graciously and nodded, as she had for all the other guests, and Andrew Callix took it in his.

“Your Royal Highness,” he said, in a nearly perfect Alderaanian accent, and she caught the faint twitch of a smile on his lips, so quickly there and then gone that she was sure no one else could have seen it.

“Mr. Callix. How nice to see you,” she said, as if she barely knew him.

“Save a dance for me,” he said.

“Mr. Callix,” said her father, sounding for all the world like he was pleased to see Cassian. “I didn’t realize we would see you this evening. I must have missed your RSVP.”

We’re all so good at lying, thought Leia. She’d never heard her father speak to Cassian without any hostility in his voice, until now, and he showed no outward appearance of how unhappy she knew he must be that Cassian was here.

Her mother seemed aware that something was going on that she wasn’t aware of, but she shook Cassian’s hand warmly and welcomed him to the palace, and then he was gone through the grand archway into the hall, and the receiving line was finally over.

“We’ll talk about this later,” said her father.

“It’s business, Dad,” she said. “I guess I forgot to mention it.”

“Business or not, that man should not be here.”

“Is that  _ him?” _ asked her mother. “Well. I see the appeal.”

_ “Mother,” _ said Leia, mortified, at the same moment as her father said “Breha!”

“Relax, both of you,” said the queen. “It’s a party. Come on, now.” She took her husband’s arm, and he offered the other to Leia, and the royal family stepped through the archway into the party.

It was unseemly for the princess to make a beeline for the banquet tables, no matter how hungry she was, so it was a good thing that Amilyn was standing by with a glass of wine and a plate with Leia’s favorites from the selection of hors d'oeuvres.

“I’ve never loved you more,” said Leia, taking the glass and toasting her friend. “Where’s yours?”

“I’ve been in here for hours,” said Amilyn. “I’m halfway drunk already; I need to pace myself.”

“Has it really been hours? My feet already hurt. Did you see him come in?”

“No! He really came?”

“He really came. He looks like a completely different person. He wants to meet Tal, so, keep an eye out. Where  _ is _ Tal?” She scanned the full ballroom.

“He went to get more drinks and never came back,” said Amilyn. “I better go find him.”

“I’ve got to do my rounds,” said Leia. “Find me later, okay?”

They separated again and Leia made her way through the ballroom, stopping to chat and smile with guests. Usually this was easy for her, and she was good at it, but tonight felt different. She felt intensely aware of the fact that Cassian was here somewhere in this crowd, and that she might see him at any moment. Some part of her mind felt occupied with searching for him, so she didn’t stumble on him unawares.

Supper was served, and then the toasts began, and eventually Leia made a pretty little speech, which was probably shorter than was strictly proper, but she was sure everyone was as tired of speeches as she was, and would appreciate being able to get back to the fun parts of the evening.

Leia wasn’t that big a fan of dancing, but mostly because she never got a break once it started. The princess was always in high demand as a partner, so she had to plead exhaustion if she wanted to sit out a round; and depending on who was asking, they might be insulted by any excuse. She wasn’t sure when she was supposed to find a few minutes to get Cassian and Tal together.

But of course, he’d managed to arrange things on his own. Andrew Callix found her and reminded her that she’d promised him a dance, which was a decent excuse, she thought, to get her close enough to alone to talk a little bit. But it felt awkward and strange to stand there with him like that so formally, in this setting, with his hand on her lower back and hers on his shoulder, just as if he were anyone else.

“Your friends are dancing right over there,” he murmured, flicking his eyes off to the left. She took a furtive glance and saw Amilyn and Tal laughing at each other while they danced. Amilyn had half a head of height on Tal and she wasn’t much of a dancer, so it was a pretty humorous sight.

“I talked to her already,” Cassian went on. “Everything’s set up, all you have to do is the introductions.”

“What do you mean, everything’s set up?” 

“We’ll land nearby,” he said, “and we’ll have a few seconds to talk before you get carried off by one of your admirers. Just remember, I’m Andrew.”

“I know your name,” she said. “What happens then?”

“I assume you get whisked away to keep dancing with all these eager young men,” he said. “How do you decide which one you’ll marry? They have to climb a glass mountain or something? Fetch you a pearl from the deepest ocean?”

“Shut up,” she said, blushing a little.

“That’s really not fair,” he whispered close to her ear. “Blushing right now, when you know what that does to me.”

“You’re a cretin,” she said, smiling at him, and then the music ended, and so did their dance.

He had gotten them just a short distance away from Amilyn and Tal, and Amilyn came right over to them, leading Tal by the hand. She hugged Leia. “I’m having the best time,” she said.

“How much wine have you had?” asked Leia, laughing.

“Not that much. I just love parties.”

“Tal,” said Leia, “I hope you’re having fun! This is Andrew.”

And, just as Cassian had predicted, she’d gotten no further than that before someone approached to lead her back out to the dance floor. 

She didn’t see either Cassian or Tal for the rest of the night, and with Amilyn she managed only brief hellos. She wondered what Cassian and Tal were talking about, or if they were talking about anything. Cassian hadn’t told her anything about why he needed to meet Tal tonight. She’d played her role, whatever exactly it had been. 


	16. The Dream

Amilyn left about a week after the party, with Leia’s father, off to Dantooine, where the rebels were gathered. Leia wasn’t supposed to know about Dantooine, but it was hard for anyone, especially Amilyn, to keep secrets from Leia. 

Amilyn wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to do for the rebels, but she said she would find a way to make herself useful, “even if it’s just scrubbing the floors.”

A few weeks later, Leia went back to Coruscant. It was different without Amilyn there. Lonelier. She spent time with Tal, but it wasn’t really the same. Tal seemed a little preoccupied lately, and she eventually got him to confess that he’d “met someone,” and the someone, she quickly realized, was Andrew Callix. 

Is that all? she thought, somewhat bewildered. All that effort just to introduce him to Cassian?

She wasn’t even sure that Cassian would keep visiting her, now that she’d performed her function, but he showed up at her door after she’d been back about two weeks, not long after she’d gotten the truth out of Tal.

He looked more or less like his usual self again, which was a relief, although his beard did look neater than usual. He’d come by about once a week, although not quite that predictably, and he’d ask her about what she and Tal had talked about and anything else she thought might be important. He’d sometimes give her instructions for things to say or questions to ask when she saw Tal next. He seemed a little stressed out, and she wondered what was going on, but knew better than to ask questions. 

At least he always left her apartment in a better mood than he’d been in when he got there. She kept wanting to try new things: what  _ was _ it like on her hands and knees? What was it like on top? What was it like to be tied up — Cassian responded to this last request with a flat  _ no _ that brooked no argument, so she’d have to find out someday with someone else.

So she settled into her new routine, without Amilyn. She had plenty of work to do. She liked Tal, and she had fun with Cassian, and she had to take on faith that her reporting of what she and Tal had talked about was actually in some way useful to the rebellion — surely Cassian wouldn’t waste time on it if it weren’t. 

Every few days, she dreamed about the beautiful meadow near the enormous waterfall again. She couldn’t understand why she kept having this same dream over and over again. Nothing ever happened in the dream; she was just walking through the meadow, which had become familiar and comforting through its familiarity. When she woke from these dreams, she felt peaceful, but also somehow sad.

Until the dream changed. She was back in the beautiful meadow, but this time she wasn’t alone. Not far away, she could see a man and a woman who were sitting in the sun, talking to each other. She moved a little closer. The woman was Padmé Amidala. She was wearing a gold dress with little flowers embroidered on it, and there was a little gold hairnet over each of her ears. A little tumble of curls fell like a waterfall down her back. Leia stared at her. In the holos she’d seen of Amidala, her birth mother had always looked very serious and guarded. She remembered thinking that she seemed like a woman who didn’t laugh often. 

But the young woman she was looking at now seemed relaxed and happy, and her happiness made her even more radiantly beautiful. She shone nearly as brightly as the afternoon sun overhead; it was as if the entire universe somehow emanated from her, as if she were the center of creation. Leia drew closer, fascinated, and then the young man who was sitting with Padmé Amidala looked up and saw her.

“Who are you?” he demanded, and Leia felt a kind of creeping terror that began in her feet and moved up through her body. “How did you get here?”

Padmé Amidala did not seem to have noticed anything.

“I’ll ask you again,” said the young man, and his voice was slow, crisp, and menacing. “Who. Are. You.”

I have to get out of here, thought Leia. I have to wake up. Wake up! Wake up!  _ Wake up! _

She nearly threw herself out of bed jerking herself awake. Her body was full of a cold terror that should be abating now that she was awake, but it wasn’t; it was growing more powerful. She heaved herself upright and took several deep breaths, but she was still shaking. What had just happened? That wasn’t just a dream. That was something else. She stumbled to her feet, wrapped herself in her thickest, heaviest blanket, and staggered out of her room in search of— what?

Her father was still here; she could see his shoes by the door. That was a relief. She made a pot of tea and set herself on the sofa with a steaming cup, still wrapped in the blanket, still shivering and terrified. She needed something to distract her, so she turned on a holovid; a romantic comedy that she and Amilyn had watched about a dozen times. It was still a few hours until dawn, and she was too scared to fall asleep again.

The fear subsided gradually, and became less overpowering, but there was still a persistent knot of anxiety in her belly and she kept finding herself tensing her leg muscles as though she were about to jump up and run away. And she was cold. So cold.

When her father emerged from his room and saw her there, his face creased with worry. “Leia, honey, have you been up all night?”

“Not all night,” she said.

He sat down next to her. “Are you sick? What’s wrong?” He put an arm around her and she leaned into him, gratefully.

“I had a dream,” she said. “Except I don’t think it was just a dream.” 

Her father’s response was slow, and guarded. “What do you mean?”

“Dad, it sounds crazy. I know it sounds crazy, but I’m so scared.” A little sob escaped her throat and a few tears spilled onto her cheeks.

“Tell me,” said her father. “You can tell me anything.”

She told him about the dream, about how she had seen Padmé Amidala sitting in a meadow with a young man, and about how the man had seen her, had really  _ seen _ her, and how angry he had been.

Her father went very quiet. He’s scared, too, thought Leia. He’s really scared. That was terrifying, because it meant something really was wrong, but it was also reassuring, because it meant something  _ really was _ wrong: she wasn’t crazy or overreacting.

“Have you had dreams like this before?” he asked her.

She shook her head. Talking about the dream had made her fear come back and she was shivering again. “I’ve dreamed about the meadow before. A few times. But I never saw anybody there before.”

“When was the first time?” he asked.

She tried to remember. “I think it was right after you and I talked about her. About Padmé.”

“Leia,” he said. “I don’t think that was just a dream either. I think you might be in very real danger.”

“From my biological father?” she asked. “That’s who I saw with her, right? You told me he died, but he’s still alive, isn’t he?”

“Yes. And he’s very, very dangerous. One of the most dangerous people in the galaxy.” Her father rubbed his face with one hand. “I’m sorry, Leia. I’m sorry. I’ve gone about this all wrong. He was a Jedi who went bad. “

She bit the inside of her cheek. “So he can use the Force.”

“Yes. And it’s… possible, that you can, too.”

“That was  _ his _ dream,” Leia whispered.

“And if he realizes who you are…” He stood up. “I should have found a way to help you learn to control this power. We hoped that it wouldn’t be necessary but now…” He was pacing, wringing his hands. Leia didn’t know what to say, so she just sat wrapped in her blanket and watched him.

Finally he stopped. “There’s one person who might be able to help you. To teach you how to guard your mind so he can’t find you. If it’s not too late. But he may be hard to find. I know generally where he is. Or where he was, eighteen years ago. I can’t go with you, but… I can’t send you alone.” He ran his hands through his thinning hair. He looked so old. 

“I’m going to fix this, Leia,” he said, kneeling down in front of her and kissing her forehead. “I’ll find a way. Everything’s going to be all right. I promise.”

“Don’t promise that, Dad,” she said. “You don’t know that it will be.”

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he said. “I have to get a message to someone.” And he got dressed quickly and left her alone in the apartment. She huddled under the blanket until he came back.

Two hours later, the door chimed, and Leia jumped. It was him. He was here to kill her father and take her away and do… what? 

But when her father opened the door, it was Cassian, and she felt a flood of relief. Cassian would know what to do. “That took a while,” said her father, tense.

“I came as soon as I could. What’s going on?”

“Come with me. Leia, wait here.”

“Dad—” He silenced her with a look and took Cassian into his room.

She pressed an ear to the door and listened.

“Captain. Thank you for coming. I don’t know who else I can trust with this. Tell me something: Do you care about my daughter?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you care about her? About her safety? It’s a yes or no question, Captain.”

“What’s going on? Is Leia all right?”

There was something odd about hearing Cassian call her by name. When they were together he called her a lot of things, but never her name. When he talked to her father, he usually just referred to her as “her.” It didn’t escape her notice that he’d avoided answering the question. Was that a yes or a no?

She could hear that her father was pacing. “I have reason to believe that she’s in a great deal of danger, and I need you to help me get her somewhere safe. There’s a man who I believe can help her, but I can’t send her to him alone. He’s on Tatooine.”

“Tatooine? You want to send Leia to  _ Tatooine? _ That’s insane. Do you know what that place is like?”

“Yes, I do, Captain, which is why I’m asking you to go with her. I need your help.” He was quiet again for a moment and then in a low, defeated voice, he said. “I think Darth Vader is looking for her.”

That cold terror gripped her body again.  _ Darth Vader _ was her biological father? Close with the Emperor, a Jedi who went bad, she thought. She should have figured it out on her own.

“What would Vader want with Leia?” Cassian sounded skeptical.

“That’s not important. Will you help her? I don’t know who else I can ask.”

“It  _ is _ important,” said Cassian. “How am I supposed to protect her if I don’t know what I’m protecting her from?”

Don’t tell him, she thought, feeling dizzy and horrified. Don’t tell him.

“I can’t be any more specific,” said her father. “I just can’t. Are you going to help her?”

“Of course,” said Cassian. “Obviously.”

She squeezed her eyes closed and felt herself sag with relief. 

“I’ve got some ends to tie up,” said Cassian. “I’ll be back in an hour at most.”

The door opened and she almost fell over, she was pressed against it so hard, but Cassian was right there and he caught her. “Pack a bag,” he told her as he set her upright again. “Essentials. You have those scandocs I gave you? Your escape hatch?” 

She could only nod in reply.

“Good. Take a minute to memorize what’s on them, okay? I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry.” He walked out.


	17. Chapter 17

“Sorry about the accommodations,” said Cassian. “Not quite what you’re used to.”

“I don’t mind,” said Leia. The ship was small and shabby, but anything that got her off of Coruscant right now would feel like a luxury yacht.

“Hey,” he said. “It’s going to be okay.”

She nodded. No it isn’t, she thought.

“I think it’s very unlikely that anything is going to be okay, but no one asked me,” came another voice. It was a droid; Cassian’s droid, apparently, a KX-series Imperial security droid that he’d reprogrammed.

“That’s right, K, no one did ask you,” said Cassian. “So why don’t you concentrate on getting us off the planet?”

“Fine,” said the droid, petulantly. “That sounds like an extremely good use of my skills.”

When they had jumped to hyperspace, Leia let out a shaky breath. Cassian was watching her, brow knit. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

She shook her head. “It sounds pretty crazy.”

“It already sounds crazy,” he said. “Come on.” He shepherded her out of the cramped cockpit and into the slightly less cramped living area of the small ship. “Sorry about K2,” he said. “He tends to just… say things, without thinking.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Leia. She still felt cold, and she hugged herself trying to get warm. He put his jacket around her shoulders and she leaned into him. He was so warm.

“You’re freezing,” he said.

“I have been ever since I woke up this morning,” she said.

“Well, you’ll warm up when we get to Tatooine,” he said. “Whether you want to or not.”

“And when will that be?”

“Not for a while. Tatooine’s out on the edge of nowhere. The rim of the Rim, you know? There aren’t really any direct routes from here to there, so we have to hop around a little.”

“Oh.” 

“Hey,” he started, and she cut him off.

_ “Don’t _ tell me it’s going to be okay. It’s not going to be okay. Nothing about this is okay.”

He nodded. “Okay,” he said. “But listen to me: right now, this second? You’re safe. No one can find us. No one can hurt you. Nothing can happen to you as long as we’re in hyperspace, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“I will get you there,” he said. “Safe and sound.”

“And then we have to find this Kenobi person. If he’s even still alive.”

“Don’t worry about that,” said Cassian. “Finding hard to find people is one of my specialities. And hardly anyone lives on Tatooine — hardly any humans, I mean. I’ll find him.”

“Okay.” She pressed her face into his chest and told herself not to cry. “Thank you. I’m glad my dad called you.”

“Me too. But I need you to tell me what’s going on, okay? Don’t worry about sounding crazy; if the general thinks it’s for real, that’s good enough for me. Why would Vader be interested in you?”

She squeezed her eyes together tightly, still leaning against him. “You know… you know I’m adopted, right?”

“Of course. Everyone knows that. Oh.  _ Oh. _ Are you sure? How do you know?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” She sighed. “I’m so cold,” she said, choking back a sob.

“Come on,” he said, and he led her to a little bunk, one of several in the cabin. “Lie down there. I’m sure I’ve got some more blankets or something around here somewhere.”

She sat on the bunk, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Do you live here?” she asked. “On the ship?”

“Sometimes,” he replied, rummaging through a cupboard. “Not on Coruscant. Can’t really live on a ship there unless you want spaceport security making your life hell. But when I’m in other places.”

“What other places?”

“Lots of other places. Get in,” he said, and it sounded a bit like an order. “You’re never going to warm up until you do. And answer my question. What makes you think…? Did your father tell you that?”

She obediently climbed under the blanket that was tucked neatly over the bunk. Somehow she’d pictured his living area as less tidy than this, but maybe it made sense. She sat with her back against the wall and the blanket pulled up over her knees, hugging herself. 

“Not exactly. Not in so many words. But he said my biological father was close with the Emperor, which is why they had to keep me a secret. And then this morning he said he was a Jedi who ‘went bad,’ and that he’s dangerous. And then he told you it was Vader who would be looking for me, so. I guess there could be another explanation, but that seems like the simplest one, doesn’t it?”

He dropped another blanket on top of her. “And why is he looking for you now?”

“I guess he didn’t… he didn’t know I existed, but now he might. Because — this is the crazy part,” she said, putting her head in her hands. “But it’s real, I swear it is. I had this… dream. It’s the Force, you know, he was a Jedi, so he can do things like that.” 

“Sure,” he said. “I believe you, okay? I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Lie down,” he told her. “You’re still like ice.” He joined her in the bunk, wrapping her up in his nice, warm arms. “How’s that? Any better?” His beard was tickling the back of her neck, which was nice, and she snuggled into him.

“Not too bad.” They had never done this before; all the things they’d done together, but he’d never just held her. It was harder to be scared with him wrapped around her like this. She took a deep, unsteady inhale, and let it out again, feeling herself start to relax. “This is nice, actually,” she said after a moment. “How come we never did  _ this _ before? You’re always out the door.”

“Does that bother you?”

“I don’t know. I guess not. I didn’t really expect anything else.”

“That’s my secret,” he said. “Keep their expectations low.”

She laughed. It felt good to laugh. She hadn’t thought she’d ever feel like laughing again. But he was right: she was safe right now, even if it wouldn’t last forever.

“Actually,” said Cassian after a moment. “If you really want to know. It’s a… a safety precaution.”

“What does that mean?”

“You lose enough people you care about,” he said, “you start coming up with ways to stop yourself caring.”

“Oh.”

“Sex is one thing, but when you start cuddling, you’re in trouble.”

She furrowed her brow, thinking about the implications of him telling her that. And telling her now, of all the times he might have. It seemed uncharacteristically honest, even vulnerable. But surely he wasn’t saying that he cared about  _ her. _ That had never been part of their deal. But then what did he mean? Maybe he was just talking to distract her. Well. Mission accomplished. She was thoroughly distracted.

“Why did you tell me that?” she asked at last.

He chuckled. “I’m not sure.”

“Well, I hope it doesn’t mean that you’re falling in love with  _ me,” _ she said airily, trying to make it a joke, but not sure if she succeeded.

“Oh, this? This is purely practical. I’m responsible for your safety; I can’t have you dying of hypothermia on my watch.”

She laughed. “Well,” she said. “I think just to be sure, we better have sex. Don’t you?”

“If you insist,” he replied, almost laughing, and then his mouth covered hers and his hand ran up her body, and she pushed herself closer to him, pulling him on top of her. She didn’t feel so cold anymore. She pulled his shirt up and off, soaking up the heat from his skin with her hands. He had worked his hands up under her dress, running lightly up her legs to her hips, pulling her closer as he kissed her neck, and she rolled her head back and whispered his name.

He worked his way down, disappearing under the blankets and kissing his way up inside her dress, up along the inside of her thighs, and then so tenderly between her legs, and it felt so good, but she wanted — she  _ needed _ — something different. “Cassian,” she said. “Wait— wait a minute.”

He stopped instantly, pulled away from her so fast that the blankets went flying. “What’s wrong?” He sounded… almost scared.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, pulling him back to her. “Nothing’s wrong. I just want— I need…”

“What do you need?” He touched her face gently.

“You. I need you, I need— I need you  _ inside.” _

He kissed her again, with a little laugh of relief. “I can do that,” he murmured. “Just… just give me a minute, okay?” He moved one hand back up under her dress and slipped two fingers into her. “I just need to— ohhh. You are so… You want me that much?”

_ “Yes.” _

She felt him take his fingers out and let out a little whimpering moan. He pushed the dress up over her hips and she sat partway up so he could pull it up and off. She leaned her head back, back arched, clinging to his neck and whispering “please, please, please.”

He eased her down onto her back. “I’ve got you,” he whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.” He unhooked his belt, and she reached down to touch him, and let out a soft moan as he slid himself inside.

“I’ve got you,” he said again, one hand cupping her face. “I’ve got you, Leia.”

There was something different about this; about the way his eyes met hers and held her gaze; about how he breathed; about how her breath seemed to match his; about how it  _ felt _ to be here with him, to not need to be scared, because right now,  _ right now, _ she was safe. She was perfectly safe.


	18. Chapter 18

They lay there tangled up together in the bunk, Cassian on his back and Leia on her belly next to him, running her fingers gently along the scars on his chest and shoulders. She felt sated, tired, happy, but also a little strange: it felt like they’d crossed some line that she’d never intended to cross with him, and she didn’t think there was any going back from it.

“Girls love scars,” said Cassian, drowsy. She’d never seen him drowsy before.

“It’s true,” she said. “They make you look mysterious and dangerous.”

“I  _ am _ mysterious and dangerous.” He opened his eyes a little bit and smiled at her.

“You are,” she agreed. “I don’t know anything about you, Cassian.”

“What do you want to know? How I got the scars? They’re not very interesting stories, I’ve just been fighting a long time.”

“Then tell me something else.” She leaned up on her elbows so she could look him in the face. “I don’t even know how old you are. Let’s start with that.”

“Good question,” he said, running his fingers along the bare skin of her back. “Twenty-five, I think? The Clone Wars started, what… twenty years ago?”

“Twenty-one,” said Leia, doing the math in her head. “You don’t know how old you are?”

“Twenty-five sounds about right, then,” he said, still trailing his fingers up and down her back. "Too old for you, anyway. You’re so soft.”

“I’ll let you borrow my moisturizer,” she said, rolling her eyes. “How come you don’t know how old you are? I never met anyone who had to think about the answer to that question.”

“Birthdays weren’t a high priority where I grew up. Plus they changed the calendar.” He rolled her onto her back and started kissing her on the neck. She squirmed.

“And where was that?” She was going to get some answers out of him, she’d decided.

“Where was what?” He was still trying to distract her with kisses.

“Where did you grow up?”

“Fest,” he said.

“What’s it like there?” she asked, wriggling away from him. 

He gave up on distracting her and lay back down, letting one hand rest on her hip. “Cold,” he said. “Cold and poor and dirty. Ice and snow year round and everybody has asthma because the air’s so polluted.”

“Asthma? Isn’t there a treatment for that?”

“Not for poor people,” was all he said.

She frowned. No one on Alderaan was so poor they couldn’t afford  _ medicine. _

“Anyway,” said Cassian, “we moved around a lot. My father was a rebel back when yours was on the other side.” 

She frowned, confused. “What do you mean the other side?”

“During the Clone Wars. The Republic.”

“Do you mean you were Separatists?” asked Leia, shocked.

“That's what you called us, yeah.” He laughed at her shocked expression. “Leia, half the Rebel Alliance started out as Separatist cells. Separatists were just rebels. As far as a lot of us are concerned, the Republic was just the Empire with a different name. For a lot of us, things didn’t change much when the name did. One day we were fighting the Republic, the next day it was the Empire, but it was the same people killing us. They just got new uniforms.”

“Oh,” said Leia. “I never thought of it like that.”

“Of course you didn’t. Why would you? Nobody would have told you what things were like before. I’m sure your father raised you to believe in the Republic, that they were the good guys.” He shrugged. “Alderaan’s a nice planet. Everyone knows that. It always has been. That’s what money and power get you. But a lot of rich worlds, a lot of powerful worlds, they just exploited the poor ones, even long before the Empire. And the Republic just let it happen. Nobody in the Core cares what happens in a place like Fest. That’s not new. People just wanted to be free, and safe, you know? Same as now. The Republic wouldn’t help, or couldn’t, so what was the point of it?"

“I never knew any of that,” she said softly. She’d never heard Cassian talk so much at once, and certainly not about politics.

“And now you do,” said Cassian. “So I guess you get to decide what you’re going to do, now that you know.”

“I don’t know what I  _ can _ do,” she said, “if I’m in hiding on Tatooine. But I’ll think about it.”

“Mothma’s always going on about how we’re not rebels, we’re Republic loyalists,” he mused. “Speak for herself. But it’s true, for her, for your father. They just want to get rid of the Emperor and put everything back how it used to be. They don’t want real change. Powerful people usually don’t. Or maybe they just can’t imagine what it would look like.”

“What  _ would _ it look like?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” he said. “All the anarchists I grew up with could tell you, if they weren’t dead. I’m just a soldier. You’re the politician, so I guess you’ll have to figure it out.”

“I wouldn’t even know how to start."

“Well now you know that you don’t know everything, so maybe you’ll listen to people from poor systems, hm? You know what people say about you? That you’re a good listener.”

“Who says that?”

“Everyone says that.”

She shook her head. “You’re making that up.”

“Why would I make that up? Believe me or don’t believe me, I’m telling you the truth.”

She shook her head again. He was so different here, on the ship. More open. She curled up in the crook of his arm and he idly stroked his hand down her back.

“So you don’t think Mon Mothma and my dad are good leaders?” she asked after a while.

“I didn’t say that. There wouldn’t  _ be _ a Rebel Alliance if it weren’t for them; we’d still just be a bunch of individual cells scattered around the galaxy, getting picked off one by one. We were losing. Now we have a fleet; we have an  _ army. _ We might actually stand a chance.”

“We do,” she said. “I really think we do.”

“Maybe. I hope so.”

“You hope so?” Something about “hope” seemed so thin, so tenuous.

“Yeah. You have to have hope, or you’ll just wither up and die.” He sounded far away. “But you have to be realistic, too. The odds are against us. Don’t need a droid to tell you that. And we’re gathering strength, and they know it. Things are going to get a lot worse. I will say that for your father. He’s risking a lot. More than almost anyone else I know. He could have looked the other way at the Empire, played nice and just tried to protect his own world, his own family. A lot of people would say he should have.”

“I don’t think he could have,” said Leia.

“Your boyfriend was right about one thing,” said Cassian, softly. “When your father gets caught… things are going to get pretty bad on Alderaan.”

_ "When _ he gets caught?" she asked.

He gave her a serious, sympathetic look. "Everyone gets caught eventually, unless they get killed. He's been arrested once already. They won’t let him go next time. You should probably try to get used to the idea now. It won’t make it any easier, but it’ll be less of a shock.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “I’m sorry, lovely girl. I really am. He’s a good man.”

This last bit surprised her. “I always thought you and my dad hated each other,” she said. “Or was that just because of me?”

He laughed and kissed her fingers again. “He likes me a lot less since you and I met, but he never liked me very much. ‘Hate’ is a strong word. We don’t always see things the same way. But it’s not my job to have an opinion.”

“He says you’re not a good man.”

“I’m not. I’m a killer, and a liar. If I had a daughter, I’d want her to stay away from a guy like me, too.”

“But you only do those things for the Rebellion.”

“When you kill someone,” he said, “even if it’s for a good cause, it sort of… leaves a stain.”

She felt like she had heard her father say something similar, once. 

“But somebody has to do it,” Cassian went on, “or else we’d just roll over and let them slaughter us. I think that’s where we disagree, your father and I. He keeps trying to find a way we can win this war without actually fighting it. It’s noble, I guess, but it’s not very practical.”

“And you’re always practical, aren’t you?” she asked him.

“Not always,” he said, smiling a little. He was still holding her hand.

“He already did fight a war,” said Leia, feeling the urge to defend her father. “I think it really… He never talks about it.”

“Yeah,” said Cassian. “It leaves a stain. I fought that war, too, you know. We were on opposite sides, like I said.”

She frowned. “But you were just a little kid.”

“Yeah. A little kid in a warzone. Throwing rocks at soldiers and watching my friends get blown up by their own IEDs. That’s how I got that one,” he added, touching the big scar. “Almost killed me. I was ten, I think.”

She was overwhelmed with compassion for the child he’d been. She hadn’t known. Had never imagined. “That must have been horrible,” she said.

“It was,” said Cassian, but he didn’t sound sad or upset or even angry about it. She didn’t know what to say, so instead of saying anything, she kissed him, and his strong arms curled around her, pulling her closer.

With her forehead resting against his, she whispered, “we’re really in trouble, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” murmured Cassian. “Yeah, I think we are.”

Which was as close as either of them was willing to come to saying the truth, which was that at some point, this had gone from just sex to something more like love. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a brief, vague mention of past sexual trauma in this chapter, really blink and you'll miss it but just fyi

Cassian had fallen asleep. They’d had sex again, and afterward he’d curled up around her and now he was asleep, breathing slow and steady. They hadn’t left this bunk since they first crawled into it. They hadn’t stopped touching each other, either. Even now, in sleep, he had one arm draped over her waist. When you start cuddling, you’re in trouble, he’d said, and they’d been cuddling now for hours.

She didn’t want to sleep herself, afraid of dreaming again, but she lay there next to him and studied his face as he did. She’d never thought that she would see him like this. He’d been like a different man since they got onto the ship. Or at least since they crawled into this bunk. What were they  _ doing? _ None of this had ever been part of the plan. But she couldn’t take her eyes off his face.

He looked younger when he was asleep: the little furrow in his brow smoothed out, the tension and stress that he carried in his face lessened. Like a glimpse at who he might have been if he’d lived a different life. If he didn’t have that stain that he had talked about. If so many terrible things hadn’t happened to him so young. She understood now why he always seemed on edge. How could anyone feel safe again after that?

He wasn’t a bad person, whatever he said. Could a bad person make her feel this safe?

She needed to use the bathroom, and she tried to slip out of the bunk without disturbing him, but he jerked awake. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” she told him, pulling her dress back on. “You can go back to sleep. I’ll be right back.” 

When she returned a moment later, he was asleep again, but he woke up when she lay down next to him and asked several questions in some language she didn’t understand.

“It’s just me,” she said. “It’s okay.”

He shook himself. “Sorry. Sorry. That wasn’t Basic, was it? I must have been really out of it.”

“What was it?”

“Festian, probably.”

“They don’t speak Basic there?” She thought all human worlds spoke Basic.

He lay down again and pulled her into his arms, curling around her, her back against his chest. “Not exclusively. Basic was the enemy’s language. You’re nice and warm now,” he added. “I guess you don’t need me to warm you up anymore.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “I might get cold again later.”

She could feel the little almost smile against the back of her neck. What was happening? All of this was so unprecedented.

“Why’d you put your clothes back on?” he murmured. “I liked you the other way.”

She smiled and snuggled closer to him. “I could take it off again, but you’d have to let go of me for a minute.”

“How long was I asleep?” he asked.

“Not very long,” she said. “Go back to sleep.”

“You sure? You’re okay?”

“I’m okay.”

He sighed a long, drowsy sigh and squeezed her in close for a moment. Then she felt his body relax and his breathing slow, and she knew he’d fallen asleep again.

It gave her some time to think, which might not be a good thing. If she thought too much, she was bound to start thinking about the thing she didn’t want to think about.

Darth Vader.

It had to be a mistake. How could Padmé Amidala have had a child with Darth Vader? Was Darth Vader even a man? Could he even… make a child? She discarded that line of inquiry immediately. Not worth thinking about.

The man in her dream had been human. That much was certain. So if he  _ was _ Darth Vader, then Darth Vader was human, too. A Jedi who went bad. Went bad and became one of the most terrifying and dangerous things in the galaxy. How could something like that happen? Had he and Padmé really been married, or had her father invented that part to cover up a grimmer, more disturbing reality?

Because how could the woman her parents had told her about; the “stubborn and brilliant” Padmé Amidala who hated injustice, have loved  _ Darth Vader? _

She was never going to get to tell Amilyn that she’d been right about his being a Jedi. She tried to stop the tears that were gathering in her eyes, but she couldn’t stop them from spilling onto her cheeks, and she put her face against the pillow, not wanting to wake Cassian. Not wanting him to see her cry, because that was another line they weren’t supposed to cross, and they had to stop crossing them before things spiraled out of control.

She should have made her father explain everything before she left. She’d been too stunned, too scared to process what was happening, and she’d gone to her room and looked around at all her things and didn’t know how to start packing. What she would need.

“What’s the weather like?” she’d asked, hearing how absurd it sounded. “Where I’m going.”

“It’s a desert,” her father had said. “Very hot and dry.” He’d sounded like he wanted to cry.

So she’d picked out a few dresses that were loose and breezy, and she’d looked through her other belongings, unable to imagine what else she could need, what her life was going to look like after this. She picked things up and put them back down. The effort of figuring it out had fully occupied her mind and she’d had nothing left over to demand answers from her father, and now maybe she’d never get them.

Or… Maybe she and Cassian would find this Kenobi person, this Jedi in exile, and he would have the answers she needed. I’ll find him, Cassian had promised her. You have to have hope, or you’ll wither up and die. She took a heavy breath and let it out. Everything wasn’t going to be okay. But she was going to make the best out of this. They would find Kenobi, and he would help her, and things wouldn’t be okay, but she was going to survive it, one way or another. She would. She had to.

She was exhausted. As an experiment, she let her eyes close, and tried to match her breathing to Cassian’s. He pulled her a little closer, and she felt herself start to relax against him. Right now she was safe. No one could find them, no one could hurt her. So it was okay to fall asleep. Maybe she’d feel better if she rested. She had to sleep sometime, after all.

She didn’t dream at all, and she did feel better when she blinked her eyes open again, not sure how long she’d been asleep. Cassian was still next to her, still with his arm draped over her waist. “Hi,” he murmured into the back of her neck.

“Hi.” She yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Good morning. Or whatever time it is.”

“You okay?” he asked.

“As okay as I can be, I guess.” She rolled over so they were face to face. It was such a beautiful face, she thought. He was so beautiful, everywhere. She gently pushed a little of his hair off his forehead. “It’s really not fair,” she said, “how gorgeous you are.”

“Why not?” He touched a bit of her hair that had fallen out of her braid, smoothing it between his fingers.

“It just isn’t,” she said. “How is anyone supposed to resist you?”

He looked alarmed. “Do you  _ want _ to resist me?”

“Not even a little bit,” she said, touching his face again. She shouldn’t have said that. He had always been so careful to get her permission, had always been so concerned about it. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know you worry about that.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I guess I do.”

“That’s why I think you really are a good person,” she said, “even if you’ve done some bad things. A bad person wouldn’t care, would he?”

“There’s more than one way of being a bad person,” he said. “But thank you.”

“Did something… happen?” she asked. 

He looked down, staring at nothing, that little wrinkle in his forehead back. “What do you mean?”

“Did somebody… hurt you?”

He turned his face away from her and didn’t say anything for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“It was a long time ago,” he said at last. “But it’s not the kind of thing you forget about.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again, and she knew they’d crossed another of those invisible lines.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I just don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I’m not. When we first met, you told me that I  _ should _ be scared of you, but I wasn’t, even then.”

“I remember,” he said.

“I never feel safer than when I’m with you,” she confessed, and he closed his eyes for a moment and didn’t speak.

“I guess we should get out of bed,” she said finally, reluctantly.

“Why? You have somewhere you need to be?” He propped himself up on one elbow. “This is by far the most comfortable place on this ship. Trust me.”

“Do you have anything to eat?” she asked. “I skipped breakfast, and I don’t even know how long ago that was.”

Cassian actually laughed a little. “I’ve got rations. They’re technically edible, but I wouldn’t call them ‘food.’” He sat up, stretched a little. “We should have stopped for takeaway before we left.” 

Now it was her turn to laugh, imagining taking time to stop for food before making her escape, in that state of panic she’d been in. 

The rations were no better than he’d promised, although she was hungry enough that she managed to choke them down.

“Delicious, hm?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Well,” she said, “now I understand why you were always begging me to feed you.” That earned her a small smile.

When they’d eaten, she returned to the bunk and sat curled up with her chin on her knees. “There’s something I’ve been wondering,” she said. “Is Cassian your real name?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I thought spies always use fake names.”

“Sometimes,” he said. “Not all the time. Actually, I’m not sure that I’ve ever told you a lie.”

“Really?”

“Not to say I’ve always been scrupulously honest,” he added, a little smile in his voice. “But I can’t think of any lies I’ve told you.”

“Does that make me sort of… unusual?” she asked, swapping out the word “special” at the last minute.

“A little. But I’ve never needed to lie to you, and I tell enough lies that are necessary; I don’t like to tell them when they’re not. That’s how people get caught.”

That’s how people get caught, she thought, and then she remembered what he’d said about her father getting caught, and the thought overwhelmed her a little bit and she felt tears come to her eyes.

“Hey,” said Cassian gently. “What’s wrong?”

“When you said that, about getting caught… What you said before, about my dad… everyone gets caught, you said.”

“Yeah.”

“I might not ever see him again. If I’m on Tatooine.”

“No,” he said, “you might not.” 


	20. Tatooine

“I don’t want to wait on the ship,” K2SO complained. “It’s bad enough you ignored me the whole way here. I’m bored. Why don’t you make  _ her _ wait on the ship?”

“You’re both going to wait on the ship,” said Cassian. “We’ve been over this, K. We go over this  _ every time. _ People aren’t going to talk to me if I have an Imperial droid with me. I may as well put on a stormtrooper uniform.”

“But I’m  _ bored,” _ the droid said again.

“That’s too bad,” said Cassian. “But you still have to wait on the ship. Someone has to keep an eye on the princess and make sure nothing happens to her.”

“Fine,” said K2, sullenly.

“I don’t want to wait on the ship, either,” said Leia.

“Leia, if you come with me into that city I’ll have to spend all my time worrying about keeping you away from the slavers. This is a bad planet. Girls like you get disappeared here.”

“What exactly is your plan, Cassian?” asked K2. “Tatooine has a population of approximately two hundred thousand. How are you planning on finding one man? I’ve calculated the odds of success and—”

“Thank you K, that’s enough. I’ll call if I need anything. Stay here until then. I mean it.” He kissed Leia quickly and then turned and walked away.

“They’re very bad!” shouted K2 as the hatch closed.

Leia watched Cassian walking through the desert toward the city in the distance. She bounced her legs nervously.

“Well,” said K2. “I hope you’re happy.”

“Yes,” said Leia. “I’m thrilled. This is exactly what I wanted, to be stuck on this ship with you.” 

“Well there’s no need to be sarcastic,” said the droid.

She kept her eyes on Cassian’s receding shape as he disappeared into the distance.

“Are you in love with Cassian?” K2 asked. “Because I can tell you one thing — he’s not in love with you.”

“Are  _ you _ in love with Cassian?” she snapped at him, irritated. “Because you sure talk about him a lot.”

“I don’t like you very much,” said K2.

“I’m devastated,” she replied, and she got up and left the cockpit, sinking back into the bunk where she and Cassian had spent the bulk of the journey to Tatooine, staring at the ceiling and trying, not very successfully, not to worry. She tried to read, but couldn’t focus. She couldn’t think of anything to do or any way of passing the time, and without Cassian’s reassuring presence next to her, she was getting scared again. How long would it take to track down this old Jedi friend of her father’s? What if she didn’t have that much time? What if she met that terrifying man in her dreams again? What did he plan to do with her, if he did find her? She buried her face in the pillow and cried.

It was hours before Cassian came back. He was grimy and windblown, and there was sand caught in every wrinkle of fabric in his clothes. He shook himself off, scowling. “We’re not going to find anything here,” he said. “We’re going to have to go out to the small settlements.”

“Wonderful,” said K2. “I can’t wait.”

“Good,” said Cassian. “I got you a map. Load it up and get me the most efficient route to hit them all.” He took his jacket off and sighed as sand shook out onto the floor. “I hate this planet already,” he grumbled.

Leia followed him back to the cabin, where he started undressing, shaking the sand out of his clothes and his hair as he did. “How can you be sure?” she asked. “That there’s nothing here?”

“Because no one here’s talking if you don’t pay, and you can’t be sure they’ll tell you the truth if you do. Small settlements are different from cities. We have to be patient. This kind of work can take a while.” He stepped out of his pants and brushed his hands over his legs with irritation.

“How long is a while?”

“Weeks, sometimes. It all depends.” 

“Weeks?” She tried to swallow, but her throat felt closed, like it was being crushed, and she was shaking all over.

Cassian stepped closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Leia,” he said. “I will find him.”

She nodded. “Okay,” she said in a small voice. “You look really hot with no clothes on,” she said, half sobbing, and he pulled her into his arms.

“You know, normally girls aren’t crying when they tell me that,” he said, “but thank you anyway.”

A little laugh came up out of her chest and she closed her eyes and let herself lean into him. “I just wish this weren’t happening. And it’s so pointless and childish to wish that, but I just want to go  _ home. _ What do you know about him? About… you know. Vader.”

“Not much. You hear stories, you know, but it’s hard to know what’s true. That’s sort of the point of having someone like him. For people to tell stories about.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I hear those stories, too.” She rubbed her eyes with her hand. “Cassian…” she said in a tiny voice. “What’s he going to do when he finds me?”

“He’s not going to find you.”

“You sound really sure. How can you be sure?”

“I can’t be. But we may as well act like we have a chance.” He kissed her hair. “Listen. I’m going to do everything I can to keep you safe, okay? And you’re right. It might not be enough. Sometimes the worst case scenario happens. But there’s no point in giving up now, before we’ve even had a chance to fight.”

“Okay. You’re right. I know you’re right.” She looked up at him and pulled his face down to hers, and they fell, stumbling, into bed.

That was her life for the next few days: they would land somewhere, Cassian would go into town and make her and K2SO wait for him. K2 continued to be unfriendly, if not hostile. Eventually Cassian would come back and they would cling to each other; hungry, desperate, as if the other’s touch was the only thing keeping them alive, and no matter how much they did, she still wanted more, she was so hungry for him, for all of him, she wanted everything she could get from him and to give him everything he could take from her, because it was only when she was with him that she forgot to be afraid.


	21. Chapter 21

“You’ve got to let me off this ship, Cassian,” said Leia. “K2 and I are both about to snap; one of these days you’re going to come back and find one of us murdered the other.”

“You won’t get me,” said K2. “If you try you’ll be sorry.”

“Nobody’s getting murdered,” said Cassian.

“I never said I wanted to murder anyone,” said the droid. “She’s the one throwing threats around. But I’m more than capable of defending myself.”

“Cassian,  _ please,” _ she said.

He relented. “What’s the next stop, K?”

“Anchorhead.”

“How many people there?”

“Approximately seven hundred, primarily moisture farmers.”

“Seven hundred.” He sighed. “Okay. You can come. Maybe people will be more willing to talk if I’ve got a pretty girl with me, huh?” He slid his arms around her waist. “How long till we get there, K?”

“Thirty minutes,” the droid replied.

“What do you think, Princess?” he whispered in her ear. “Thirty minutes?” She just kissed him, and he half dragged, half carried her out of the cockpit and towards the bunk. K2 made a disgusted sound as they left.

When they landed, they shook themselves out of their trance.

“Hm,” said Cassian. “This was probably a bad plan. We can’t sit on the ship too long or they’ll get suspicious, but I can’t bring you out there looking like that.”

“Like what?” She tugged her robe over her head.

“Like you just got railed real good,” he said into her neck.

She blushed. “You’re disgusting. Why not?”

“Because they’ll think I’m pimping you,” he said.

She made a face. “What the hell kind of stuff goes on on this planet?”

“Same stuff that goes on everywhere,” he said. “But more of it than most places. Fix your hair and try not to look so satisfied.”

A few minutes later, they gathered in front of the hatch. “Okay,” said Cassian. “My name is Airik. You’re my sister, Saira.”

“Who am I?” said K2.

“You’re a malfunctioning piece of shit droid I bought from the little junk trader guys that I’m trying to fix up to sell.”

“That was a hurtful description, Cassian. I’m not malfunctioning.”

“Airik. And you both let me do the talking, got it? You’re shy, and you’re broken. Broken, K. Or you can stay on the ship and I’ll just buy parts. Keep your mouth shut.”

“I don’t have a mouth,” said the droid, sulkily.

“Do you understand me?” said Cassian. Airik, she reminded herself. Her brother, Airik.

“Yes, I promise, I’ll be broken.”

“Okay. Keep your hood up,” he told Leia. “And stay close to me. You know how to use this?” He held up a blaster.

“Yes,” she said.

“You sure?”

“I took lessons.”

“At a shooting range,” he said. “I guess it’s better than nothing. Hopefully you won’t need it.”

“I know how to use it,” piped up K2.

“And you’re bringing up the rear. Me, her, you. Don’t let her out of your sight, you understand me? She’s our priority.”

“Fine,” huffed the droid.

A blast of hot, dry air hit her as she stepped outside the hatch after Cassian. After Airik. She followed him as he’d told her to, glancing around to catch a glimpse at her surroundings. The hood of her robe reduced her peripheral vision, but he’d told her to keep it up, so she would keep it up. Their destination was a power station and repair shop at the outskirts of town. “Why there?” she asked.

“Because we’re here to fix our broken droid,” he said. “So we’re going to the repair shop. Plus, young people tend to hang out at places like this, and they’re usually more willing to talk to strangers than their parents are.”

The shop did have several young men hanging around, staring at them with undisguised curiosity. 

One of the young men was evidently the proprietor of the shop. “Something I can do for you?” he asked. “That’s an interesting droid you’ve got.”

K2 clearly wanted to say something, but managed to restrain himself.

“I think it’s Imperial,” said Airik easily. “I got it from the jawas, but it’s pretty messed up. Vocal circuits don’t really work anymore and it does some real weird stuff. Walks around okay but otherwise…” He shrugged.

“Yeah, you never know what you’re going to get from jawas.” The two of them fell into an easy conversation that Leia didn’t really understand.

“So you guys just passing through, or?”

“New in town,” said Airik. “This is my sister. Uncle just died, left us a little money, so figure we get out of the city, buy a house.”

“Nice,” said the other man.

K2 started walking into the wall, then backing up, then walking into the wall again.

“That  _ is _ weird,” said the young man. “I wonder what’s causing that behavior. Name’s Laze, by the way.”

“Airik.”

“And…?” Laze looked at her.

“Saira,” she said, looking down like she was shy.

“Why don’t you have a seat while your brother and I figure out what’s going on with this thing? Hey Camie?”

A very pretty young woman with loose, dark hair appeared. “What’s up?”

“This is my girlfriend, Camie,” he told Leia. “Camie, this is Saira. New in town. You want to keep her company while I figure out what’s going on with this droid?” K2 had begun walking in circles.

Cassian shot her a look but she smiled shyly and greeted Camie, who led her to a little bench. The young men she’d seen earlier were slowly coming closer and Camie rolled her eyes. “Sorry about the boys,” she said. “You know what they’re like. Pick your jaw up off the floor, Luke, it’s just a human girl. I know you’ve seen one before.”

The boy she was chastising, Luke, looked away, red faced. Leia studied him for a moment. There was something about him. She felt like she knew him already. That’s who you need to talk to, she thought.

“Who is that?” she asked Camie.

“Oh, that’s just Luke. He lives out on the salt flats, a few miles out of town. Moisture farmers. Come over and say hello, Luke, you’re making it weird.”

He approached, smiling sheepishly. “Hi,” he said. He was sort of cute, in a way. He had floppy hair the same color as the sand that covered everything. “Sorry. I’m Luke. Skywalker.”

“I’m Saira,” she said.

“Everything okay over here?” It was Cassian — Airik. 

“Everything’s fine, Airik,” she said. “This is Luke.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said.

As he turned back to talk with Laze, Leia shrugged her shoulders. “Sorry about my brother. He can be a little overprotective sometimes.” She just caught his sidelong glance at her. I know what I’m doing, she thought.

“Your brother?” said Luke, stammering.

Camie laughed out loud. “So what brought you to Anchorhead?” she asked. “Nobody ever comes to Anchorhead.”

She repeated the story that Airik had told about their uncle leaving them a little money and how they wanted to get out of the city.

“Also,” she said. “There’s somebody we wanted to find. He was a friend of our father’s.” Close enough, she thought. She could feel Cassian’s eyes on her from across the room. He had told her to let him do the talking. Trust me, she thought. I know what I’m doing. “His name’s Kenobi.”

“Ben Kenobi?” Luke said.

“The Jundland Hermit,” said Camie. “I didn’t know he had any friends.”

“So you know him?” said Leia.

“Kind of. He shows up in town every once in a while, not often. Weird old guy, he doesn’t really talk to anyone.”

“Well you make friends wherever you go, don’t you?” said Cassian, coming up behind her again. “All this time I thought you were shy.” He gave her a look. “So any of you know where we could find this weird old guy?”

“I know where he lives,” said Luke, a little too enthusiastically. “I could take you,” he said to Leia, shy. “We could go now, if you want.”

“We better get K2 back,” said Cassian. “I think I know what’s wrong with him.”

“Maybe some other time,” she said to Luke. She felt a strange reluctance to leave. There was something about him. Something she couldn’t put her finger on.

“I’ll be here tomorrow,” said Luke, smiling hopefully. Camie tried to hide her smile.


	22. Chapter 22

“What did I tell you, Leia?” They were back on the ship, and Cassian was angry.

“To let you do the talking.”

“And what did you do?”

“Found out where the old man is,” she said.

“You can’t just do what you’re told, can you?” he asked.

“No, not often.” She smiled weakly. “You weren’t doing anything. How were we supposed to—”

“I know what I’m doing, Leia. This is my job.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Well. It worked out okay. But I wish you would just trust me.”

“I do trust you. Of course I trust you.” She took his hands and pulled him close to her, with her back against the wall.

“Maybe I didn’t want to find him so quickly,” he whispered, hoarsely. “Maybe I don’t want to leave you here.”

“Cassian…” She fumbled with his belt. “I need you, Cassian. I need you right now.”

He moaned, hands up under her skirt, hiking it up as high as it would go as she pushed his pants down to his knees. Up against a wall, she thought. Finally getting around to it.

He pulled her underwear down, too hard, because they ripped in his hand, and she moaned as they fell to the ground. He put his hands under her hips, lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck as he sank himself into her. “Leia,” he gasped. “Leia. Say my name again.”

“Cassiannnnn.” She clung to him, buried her face in his shoulder, cried out with lust and longing, and he kept whispering her name, like it was a prayer, Leia, Leia, Leia, Leia, and she didn’t mean to say it, but just before she came, just as the wave was beginning to crest, somehow the words “I love you,” came spilling out of her mouth, and he moaned yes, yes, and then he came too.

Neither of them moved for a moment. She clung to his neck, afraid to look at him, and he leaned against her, pinning her to the wall, holding her there. She didn’t know what to do. Neither of them did.

He set her back onto her feet, but her legs were too wobbly, and she didn’t let go of her hold on his neck. “I didn’t mean it,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean it.”

He reached down to pull his pants back up, and then he gently walked her over to the bunk and lowered her down onto it, all without speaking.

“I didn’t mean it,” she said again.

He knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. “It’s okay,” he said in a rough, low voice. A voice, she realized, that was choked with emotion. “It’s okay.”

She couldn’t look at him. How could she have  _ said _ that? She was trembling all over. He touched his forehead to hers, eyes closed, cupped her face in his hand. She felt faintly sick, terrified that he might say he loved her, too, and equally terrified that he wouldn’t.

“Did you mean what you said?” she asked in a tiny whisper. “That you don’t want to leave me here?”

For a moment he didn’t respond, but then she felt him nod his head. “I meant it.” There was a long pause, and then he said, “I think I might—”

“You can’t,” she stopped him. “We can’t. You  _ can’t.” _

“No,” he agreed, “but it seems like maybe I do anyway.” He sighed. “That’s… inconvenient.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “It really, really is,” she agreed.

He brushed her tears away. “Don’t cry,” he said. “You must be exhausted. Lie down and get some sleep.”

“But…” How could she be expected to  _ sleep _ when Cassian loved her? “What are we going to  _ do?” _

“I guess tomorrow we’ll go see your little friend, Luke, and have him take us to see Kenobi. And go from there.”

That wasn’t precisely the question she’d been asking. She had meant something more like  _ what are we going to do about the inconvenient fact that we fell in love, which we weren’t supposed to do? _

“Get some rest,” he said.

She nodded. “Okay.” And then: “there’s sand everywhere.” There had been sand everywhere since their first day on Tatooine, but now it was all caught in her braids.

“Yeah,” said Cassian.

“I can’t live here. I can’t live here.” Something hysterical was building inside her. “I can’t.”

“Shhhhh.” He helped her lie down, and then lay next to her, holding her against him. “Shh. Everything’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” He stroked her back. “Just close your eyes and get some sleep. Everything’s okay.”

She was exhausted. She felt hollowed out, empty. Like she’d lost some essential part of herself. Cassian was quietly humming something — a lullaby? How unlike him. Or unlike the him she’d thought she’d known. Who could guess what this new Cassian was like? Hopefully worth a little more than this new Leia, who couldn’t stop crying and was afraid of a little sand. And even more afraid of being alone.

When she fell asleep, she found herself in an unfamiliar room. There was a broad terrace outside, with a view that was unmistakably Coruscant, and it reminded her of her apartment there, but more luxurious; instead of the trademark Alderaanian simplicity she was used to, this was filled with beautiful objects that seemed to serve no purpose but to be beautiful. Like a former queen of Naboo might decorate her home, she thought.

“There you are,” said a voice that she recognized, and she felt all the hair on her neck and arms stand up with fear as she turned around. It was him. The same man, although he looked older than the last time she’d seen him. His hair was longer now, and he was dressed all in black.

“I knew you’d come back,” he said, taking a step toward her. “I’ve been searching and searching, but I knew you’d come back. What’s your name?” She was frozen, unable to move, unable even to blink. “Tell me your name.” It was an order. A command. And it seemed as if she couldn’t resist; she could feel her name in her mouth, trying to come out. No, she thought. No. She swallowed it back down.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asked, still coming closer. “Don’t be. You’re my daughter, aren’t you? They told me you were dead. But you’re alive. You’re alive.”

She shook her head, terrified. She couldn’t open her mouth, because if she opened her mouth, she would tell him something, and if she told him anything he would find her.

“You look just like her,” he said, and there was a reverence in his voice. He was standing very close to her, now, and he reached up a hand to touch her face. Wake up, she thought. Wake up. Wake up. Help me. Someone please help me. She was cold and shaking all over.

“Tell me who you are,” the man said. “Tell me where I can find you.”

She shook her head, and before she could stop herself, she blurted out “Don’t find me. Just leave me alone.”

Something dark and ancient took over his face. “I know what happened,” he said. His rage was so palpable, the room faded away, everything receded except for that face, that face so twisted with anger that it barely looked human anymore. “It was Obi-Wan,” he said. “Wasn’t it? He stole my child and turned her against me.  _ My child. _ You belong to me. You’re mine.  _ Tell me who you are.”  _

She bit down on one of her hands, to keep the words inside, but he snatched them away and he was holding her by the wrists and shaking her, hard. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

He’s going to kill me, she thought, but the thought was far away. She should just tell him her name, tell him where she was, so that this would end. But he would kill her parents. He would kill Cassian. He would kill everyone, he would kill the whole universe to get to her, better to let him just kill her now and then this would be over, over, finally over—

She came into consciousness again with a scream. Cassian was shaking her gently. “It’s all right,” he said. 

“No,” she said. “It isn’t.” And she burst into tears.


	23. Obi-Wan Kenobi

The two of them went back to the shop the next day, and as he had promised, young Luke Skywalker was there. His face lit up when he saw Leia. Poor kid, she thought. He thinks Cassian’s my brother. 

“Hi,” he said, running his hand through his hair in a way that was endearingly awkward. “Nice to see you again. Both of you,” he added, face reddening. 

“How’s your droid?” asked Laze.

Cassian shrugged. “Still weird..”

“So, did you want to get that ride to see Old Ben?” asked Luke hopefully.

“If you don’t mind,” said Leia.

“No, no, I don’t mind, not at all.”

“Hey, Luke, what am I supposed to say when your uncle calls looking for you?” said Laze. “He’s going to be pretty pissed off.”

“It’s fine,” said Luke. “I’ll worry about it later. Come on,” he said to Leia and he took them to a battered vehicle. “There’s only actually two seats, but you can put a third person up here on the back,” he said. “It’s not the most comfortable though, sorry.”

Cassian shook his head. “It’s fine for me.”

Luke chattered excitedly for most of the ride, telling Leia about his friends in Anchorhead and the uncle and aunt that he lived with, and occasionally throwing nervous glances back at her “brother.” Cassian didn’t say anything. It felt weirdly similar to a date, with Cassian as chaperone. It made her uncomfortable.

Eventually they arrived at a small structure. “So I’m pretty sure this is it,” said Luke, as he stopped the speeder.

“Pretty sure?” echoed Cassian.

“Yeah, well, yeah. Pretty sure.” Luke looked embarrassed.

“Only one way to find out,” said Leia. She took a deep breath, and started toward the door.

“Hey, wait,” said Cassian, running up beside her and pulling her back by the arm. “I go first. I always go first.” They approached the door, but before they could knock, it opened, revealing an old man with white hair and a trim beard, dressed in a long brown robe.

“Can I help you?” the man said.

“We’re looking for a man called Obi-Wan Kenobi,” said Cassian in a tight, low voice.

The old man’s face softened. “You’ve found him.” His eyes landed on Leia’s face and it seemed as if he recognized her, even though they’d never met. “And you are?”

Cassian tossed a look back at Luke, frowning, but Leia saw no reason to continue lying. “My name is Leia Organa. My father is Viceroy Bail Organa of Alderaan. He sent me to find you.”

A sad, thoughtful look passed over Kenobi’s face. “I see. Well, I suppose you’d better come in.” He stepped aside.

Cassian turned back to Luke and said “Thanks for the ride. If you tell anyone what you just heard her say, I’ll kill you.”

“Cassian,” she said. “I’m sure that’s not necessary.”

“Luke had better come in, too,” said Kenobi. “If you’re here about what I think you’re here about, this concerns him.”

“It does?” said Luke.

“Come in, all of you.”

Leia started forward, and Cassian stopped her again. “I go first. Wait until I say it’s safe.”

“There’s nothing to worry about here,” she said, but she let him precede her through the doorway. She watched him move through the space suspiciously, thoroughly, and then he came back to her and beckoned her in. He took her hand and held it, with his other resting casually on his weapon.

“I think you’re being a little paranoid,” she whispered.

“Being paranoid is why I’m still alive,” he answered.

“Please, sit down,” said Kenobi. “How is your father? Not still in the Senate? There is still a Senate, I think?”

“There is, sort of,” she replied. “It’s useless, but it technically exists. My father retired from the Senate last year.” She sat. Cassian remained standing. He was tense, guarded.

“A long career.”

“Yes.”

He seemed both impatient and unwilling to get to the point. “Well, my dear, why don’t you tell me why you’ve come? It’s a long journey from Alderaan, just to see an old man.”

“My father thinks that you can help me,” she said. “I’m not sure how to… where to begin, I’m sorry.” 

“I’ve often found it best to begin at the beginning.”

She nodded. “I just don’t know where that is, I’m sorry. You know who my birth parents were, don’t you?”

His face was distant, thoughtful, sad. “I do.”

“I found out the identity of my birth mother a few months ago. And then, a few days ago, I had this dream about her…” She told him about the dream.

He listened with his brow furrowed. “Anything else?”

“Yes, I… I dreamed about him again, last night. And it was worse. He mentioned you, he said that Obi-Wan had stolen his child and—” she couldn’t go on. She was cold; how could she be cold in this scorching place?

Kenobi was quiet for a moment, thoughtful, and then at last he spoke: “The man you saw was once named Anakin Skywalker.”

“What?” Luke, who had been sitting quietly all this time, suddenly spoke.

“Skywalker?” echoed Leia, and she turned to look at the boy. Luke Skywalker.

“Yes,” said Kenobi. “He was my apprentice, many years ago. He was only a child when I met him. Here on this very planet.”

“But he’s dead,” said Luke. “My father died when I was a baby. My uncle—”

“As far as your uncle knows, that’s true,” said Kenobi. “Only a few people in the universe know the truth about what happened to Anakin. He’s still alive, in a way. Although I expect there’s very little of Anakin left in the thing that he’s become.”

“Vader,” said Cassian.

The old man nodded. “Yes. I’m afraid so. My greatest failure. So, I suppose I should start at the beginning, too? It’s a long story, and not a happy one.”

“I have a question first,” said Leia. “Anakin Skywalker… Vader… he is my biological father?”

“He is.”

“And he’s  _ his _ father, too?” She looked at Luke.

“He is.”

She and Luke Skywalker stared at each other for a long moment, and then she said, “go on with the story.”

The old man took a deep breath. “As I said, I met Anakin when he was a child. I was only an apprentice then, myself, just a little older than you are now. We — my master and I — were astounded by his abilities — he was an incredible pilot, for one thing, despite his youth. And he had, perhaps, the most natural ability to tap into the Force of anyone who has ever lived. We took him with us, to train him to be a Jedi. My master would have been his master, too, but he died, so I took him on myself, which was… a mistake. The first of many mistakes.” He lapsed into a pensive silence for a moment. There’s something he’s not telling me, thought Leia. All these secrets. When would someone give her the whole truth? 

“When we arrived on Tatooine,” Kenobi continued, “there was a young woman with us. The young woman you saw in your dream.”

“Padmé Amidala,” said Leia.

“Yes, Padmé.” A sad smile crossed his face. “Anakin had a… fixation on her. He met her as a child and never forgot her. Obsession, perhaps, is a better word. When they met again, years later… I saw the signs, but I thought it would pass. He was a teenager, about your age. I thought it was an ordinary adolescent crush. Nothing to worry about.

“The Jedi believed that attachments of that sort were… corrupting. All strong emotions, in fact, were thought to lead inexorably toward darkness. Anakin was very emotional. Headstrong. All sapient beings are, to some extent, ruled by our emotions. As his master, his teacher, I was supposed to teach him how to be the master of his emotions, instead of letting them master him. I failed. There is no other word for it.” Again the heavy silence fell, and then he shook himself and went on.

“This was right before the Clone Wars started, so we were all… very distracted. Padmé was a senator then, and quite vocally opposed to the war. She’d been through one already, you see. That’s why she was on Tatooine with us; she’d had to flee. Even ten years later, she had many enemies. After several assassination attempts, it was decided that the safest thing to do was to send her home to Naboo until we could guarantee her safety, and for some reason… I wonder every day why we chose to send Anakin with her, knowing how he felt about her.”

“Who decided?” asked Leia.

“The Jedi Council, the Chancellor… and Padmé herself, though she took some convincing. She could be very stubborn, that young woman.” He smiled.

“I don’t know what transpired between them on Naboo, but Anakin convinced her to marry him in secret. I believe they loved each other very much, and occasionally I am able to find… comfort, in thinking so.” 

She thought of Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker in the meadow in her dream; how lovely and happy she had looked. She must have loved him. “But what happened?” she asked. “How did he… What happened?” How could Padmé Amidala, of whom no one seemed to have a bad word to speak, have loved someone who was capable of the horrible things that Darth Vader had done?

“There is still much of this story that I do not know,” said Kenobi. “What I do know is that Anakin was… passionate, about those he cared about. He’d lost his mother in… a terrible way, and I think he blamed us for it. Perhaps he was right to. When he found out that Padmé was pregnant, he became consumed with his fear that she would die. He became obsessed with finding a way to save her. I still didn’t know that they were— I knew nothing about it, until it was almost too late. Fear, and anger… these are dangerous emotions. They opened him up to the Dark Side of the Force. It is… seductive. And he was being manipulated by an evil man who wanted to use Anakin’s power to his own ends.”

“The Emperor,” whispered Leia.

“Chancellor Palpatine, then,” said the old man. “But yes. With Anakin’s help, he became the Emperor. And Padmé died, as he had been so afraid she would, while giving birth to her twins.”

“Twins,” whispered Leia and she looked at Luke, and he looked at her.

“Most of this was kept from us until the very end. Padmé was a lifelong politician, a very good secret keeper, and the Chancellor— the Emperor, as you know him, had been manipulating all of us for years by then, hiding in plain sight. We were fools who thought ourselves wise.

“Anakin wasn’t there when you were born. We believed that he was dead, though we learned that we were wrong about that, too. Very few people knew anything about their relationship; even the handful of people who knew that she’d been pregnant had no idea that he was the father. But the Emperor did, and we knew that if he found you… He would want to use your power for himself, just as he did with Anakin. With Padmé gone, secrecy seemed to be our best hope. Hide the children, and let the few people who’d known about them at all believe that they had died with their mother. So I brought Luke here, to Tatooine, and entrusted him to Anakin’s stepbrother. Anakin hated Tatooine, rather passionately, so there was no reason to believe he would ever come back. Bail took you, Leia, to Alderaan to raise as his daughter. And that, we hoped, would be enough to keep you both safe.” 

Leia was trembling, and she wasn’t sure if it was fear or anger or both. She wanted to scream. She had a twin brother? The old man was looking at her as if he knew what she was feeling. “I am sorry,” he said. “We did the best we could. I have spent the last eighteen years reflecting on how badly I failed you. Both of you,” he added, casting a glance at Luke Skywalker. “And your parents.”

She took a deep breath and tried to center herself. “And can you help me now? Can you help me keep him away?”

“I can try,” said Kenobi. “I’m afraid it won’t be easy. And it will take quite some time.”

“How long?” It was Cassian who spoke.

“Months. Possibly years. It may never be safe for you to return to public life, not if he’s seen your face.”

Leia glanced up at Cassian. His face was impassive. Years, she thought. Years in exile out here in the middle of nowhere, away from everyone she cared about, everyone she loved. Her old life gone, forever. 


	24. The End

She and Cassian stepped outside, leaving Luke and the old man in the house. Luke had about a thousand questions for Kenobi, but Leia was overwhelmed. She just wanted to talk to Cassian.

“What do you think?” said Cassian. “You trust him?”

She nodded. “I think so. Yes.”

“You want to stay?”

“No,” she said, her voice cracking a little. “But I have to, don’t I? What else can I do?”

He nodded. “I don’t know. There’s usually another option.”

“Not for this,” she said sadly. “Kenobi’s the only person who can help me. And you have to go. You were in the middle of something on Coruscant, weren’t you? Did I ruin it?”

“I don’t know yet. Don’t worry about it; things happen. This was more important, and not just because I caught feelings for you. If Vader got his hands on you, if he found out what you know…”

She shuddered. “He still might.”

“Well, we did our best. I’m going to call K2 and have him bring the ship to us.” He hesitated. “I can stay a little while longer. Another day won’t make much difference.”

The longer he stayed, the harder it would be to say goodbye to him. “No,” she said. “No, I think you should… you should just go.”

When K2 arrived with the ship, she boarded it to get her things, the little bag she’d packed in such a daze, back on Coruscant. It felt like a lifetime ago. She’d been a different person, then. 

She sat down on the little bunk and took a deep breath. She didn’t want to go back out into the heat and the dust, and into her new life with this sad old man. She wanted to go home, or if not home, she wanted to just stay on this battered old ship with Cassian. He stood in the doorway, watching her.

“I have this awful feeling,” she said, “that you’re going to fly away in this ship and then I’ll never see you again.”

“Maybe you won’t,” he said, sitting next to her. “But maybe you will. It could happen. You’re not going to stay here forever.”

“You’ll have a new cover story by then,” she said.

“Probably,” he agreed. “But you’ll still be my favorite.”

She laughed. “Good,” she said, wiping her tears away. 

He kissed her on the forehead, gently. “Good luck,” he said.

“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered, eyes closed. “I don’t want to stay here.” It didn’t matter what she wanted; this was how things had to be. It was childish to cry over it, but she couldn’t seem to help it.

“I know you don’t,” he said, in that gentle voice she’d grown so fond of, kissing her forehead again. “But you’re tougher than you look, Princess. You’ll be okay.”

She nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Okay. Thank you. For everything.” She pulled him close and kissed his mouth, softly, and slowly pushed his shirt up over his head. “Just one last time,” she whispered, trying not to cry. “Just one last time.”

And since it was the last time, he took his time, kissing her gently, everywhere, brushing the sand off her skin with his gentle hands, and finally he sank into her with a sigh, and this, she thought, was not just sex; this was what people meant by  _ making love. _

They must have been there together for more than an hour, but it still felt like it was over too soon. They lay there together for a little while, hot, flushed skin against hot, flushed skin. “I guess I have to go,” she said at last.

He kissed her hand. “I’ll miss you,” he said. She sat up and started to dress, and he did the same.

He walked her to the hatch, hand in hand, and then he bent and kissed her very gently. “Try to stay out of trouble,” he said. 

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good girl.”

She took a deep, shaky breath, picked up her bag, and walked away. She didn’t turn around to see him again, afraid that he would already be gone.

She stood outside and watched the ship disappear into the bright sky, taking her old life away with it.

Luke came to stand behind her. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Not really. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. You?”

“Pretty much the same.”

“Twins,” she said, and she reached for his hand.

“So what now?” he asked. “You’re going to stay here with Ben?”

“Nothing else I can do,” she said. “This is what I came here for.”

“You could come stay with me. It would be hard to explain to my uncle, but you  _ are _ my sister.”

She smiled at him. “I don’t think so. But thank you. Really. That’s… it’s a sweet offer. I need to be here, though. To learn whatever it is Kenobi can teach me. Will you visit me, though?”

“Every chance I get.”

“You know,” she said, “I always wanted a brother.”


End file.
